Game: Lode Runner 2

Reviewed by: Kirk Hiner

I missed "Lode Runner I."

I hope that doesn't make you think less of me as a game reviewer. I mean, I still deserve some respect, having once owned a Microvision, right? And I love video games so much that I still consider "Tron" to be the best movie of 1982. I even own the book for crying-out-loud! What must I do to please you people?!

Review "Lode Runner 2?" Okay. Sure. In fact, I'll sum the whole thing up in this one quote that--had I written this review before the game hit the shelves--I'm sure would've ended up on the back of the box;

"Lode Runner 2" is freaky.

I don't know how else to describe it. Freaky. Practically everything about this game is freaky. The graphics are freaky, the gameplay is freaky...even the manual is freaky. Imagine running a buff Andy Warhol through the settings of Alice's Wonderland while Devo plays in concert over the hill. That's as close a description I can create.

Freaky.

In "Lode Runner 2," you control either Jake or Jane Peril, depending on your gender of preference. Your mission is to guide Peril through the Jungle, Wacky, Gear, Industry and Mona Worlds collecting, of all things, gold. Sometimes the gold is just sitting out for you to grab, other times you have to "dig" it out with your gun. Sometimes, you even get to blast it out with any of a number of explosives you find on your way. But believe me, this is no easy task. Quite often, the gold is beneath many layers of bricks that regenerate quickly. If you don't hurry up and dig further, the brick can regenerate right on top of you. And that's not pleasant.

Then there's the monks. I don't get the sudden popularity of monks in video games, but I also don't get the popularity of navel piercings. In "Tomb Raider II," the monks were my friends. Not so in this sequel. These guys, whether they be blue, purple or black, mean only to smack you six ways to Sunday. Touch them, and all your efforts have been for naught.

To control Mr. or Ms. Peril, you use the 1, 3, 7 and 9 keys on the number pad to move in one of four possible directions (the keys can be reassigned, of course). Although the game starts with only one dig key assigned, you'll want to quickly assign three others so that you can dig in all directions without first having to turn that way. Better yet, get yourself a Gravis GamePad. Speed is a crucial element to finishing some of these levels, and I found the GamePad to be much easier to control.

There are fifteen levels to solve in each of the five worlds, many of which are extremely difficult. It bears repeating; many of which are extremely difficult. Luckily, the programmers realized this and made it possible to jump to any level in a world without first completing the previous level. Of course, you don't get your reward if you don't complete all fifteen levels in order, but you gotta take the bad with the good, right? Plus, if you're having too much trouble completing some levels, you can always just use the enclosed level editor to design your own. In the end, it might end up taking less time than finishing a couple of the included worlds.

Unfortunately, you cannot save a game in the middle of a level. Well, you can, but when you load up, you're right back at the beginning of that level. It's very annoying to finally complete a difficult puzzle, only to die on the next, because you're then forced to start that level over again no matter when you saved the game.

But if you think the gameplay sounds freaky, wait until you see the graphics. If the Beatles had made videos for "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," they would've been filmed in this game. Throughout "Lode Runner 2," your screen is flooded with lava lamps, smiley faces, dancing flowers, morphing...morph...things, and many other visual oddities that the human eye simply was never meant to see. Mumbling monks, belching botany...I'm telling you, people used to get stoned in the square for dreaming up stuff like this.

Now I love the freaky. I'm all for breaking the norm and even getting dangerous when it comes to entertainment; however, I didn't enjoy this game as much as I could have. As fun as it is to look at it, I just couldn't get addicted to the gameplay. Rather than spend hours on end trying to solve the puzzles and get to the next level, I'd just as soon find someone who's really good at it and watch him. Or her. Jake or Jane, after all. The network feature allows this, to an extent, as you can sit back and let someone better than you do all the hard work while you check out the scenery...or read the manual, for that matter. Honestly, Scott Matthews' manual for "Lode Runner 2" is a riot. It's a perfect fit to a game that...well, since the box doesn't quote me, I'll quote myself.

" 'Lode Runner 2' is freaky" raves Kirk Hiner!

Now, who wants to read my review of "Tron?"

Genre: Puzzle/Action

Platform: MacOS

Format: CD

Developer: Presage

Publisher: MacSoft

Requirements: PowerPC, System 7.5.5, 16MB RAM, 43MB hard disk space, 16-bit color monitor, 2X CD-ROM drive

3Dfx Support: No

Retail price: $29.95

Year Released: 1998

Availability: Out now

Raised on Intellivision and "Tron," Kirk Hiner has been an avid gamer ever since he was tall enough to look through the viewfinder on the Battlezone upright. Although he makes a living using a PC (not by choice) to design websites for Dynamics Online, Inc., Kirk never strays from his 9600/200 or 3400c for computer gaming. When he's not playing the latest Logicware release, he can either be found working on his next "never to be published" novel, rereading anything by Kurt Vonnegut or watching RAW is WAR.

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February 03, 2012