According the stereotypes, I'm supposed to be King of the Remote. Aren't all guys? TV commercials and satires are littered with images of fat guys wearing sweats--turning the channels back and forth between football and a Clint Eastwood marathon, and many a bad stand-up comedian has been able to put food on the table making fun of his/her dad and the remote control.

?"American Goofy?" comedy. There is no evil more repugnant.

But despite my gender, I'm not big on remote controls. I have a remote control for my TV, cable box, VCR, DVD player, surround sound encoder and receiver, and the better half of them do nothing more than collect dust and make me look richer than I am. Cable box remote? Sure. I sometimes like to get the Monday Night Football score during RAW is WAR commercials. The VCR remote? Of course. How else can I edit out the commercials while recording "The Powerpuff Girls?" The DVD remote? Only because it makes it easier to freeze frame Chingmy Yau in "Naked Killer.?" All the others? Overkill. Don't need 'em. Don't want 'em. Take 'em back.

So now, sitting on the desk under my shiny new Apple Studio Display is Keyspan's Digital Media Remote. It's a small USB device--translucent, but not colored--that's about the size of the caster on an office chair. Resting inside this device is the remote control. It has the length of a credit card with the thickness of granola bar (I must fill my computer room with objects more conducive to analogy).

Okay, I know what you're thinking (I mean, I don't, of course, but for the sake the review, we'll all pretend), you're thinking, "But Kirk, as much as we love your reviews and appreciate the light you cast across the stormy seas of Macintosh hardware and software, we have to wonder...why in Sam Hill do we need a remote control for a device that's already at our fingertips when in use?"

Well, we'll visit Sam Hill in a little bit. First I want to get into the joys and concerns of the Digital Media Remote.

As with all USB products, installation is a breeze. Install the drivers, plug the device into any open USB port (as opposed to a used one, I suppose), and restart the computer. However, beware the obnoxious message windows. If the DMR device can't be found, an error window appears. If the device can be found, an acknowledgement window appears. So win or lose, you've still got a bunch of clicking to do. Annoying. If there's a way to shut all this off, I sure couldn't find it.

But Keyspand could. They've recently released v1.2 of the Software, which eliminates the barage of info windows. Thank you, Keyspan. If your copy of the DMR comes with a version prior 1.2, be sure to get the update here. However, the udpate doesn't cut down on the number of files installed. Keyspan gives you no less than eight files for your computer. Two extensions, two control panels, and four preference files. That's not quite Microsoft excessive, but excessive nonetheless.

And speaking of excessive, the infrared remote on the DMR can transmit signals over 35 feet. I'm not sure how often one needs to fast-forward to the next MP3 from Drugstore Soul's debut EP from 35 feet away, but life's not generally about practicality. The device ships with presets for many popular Macintosh media devices, including the Apple CD Audio Player, QuickTime Player, SoundJam MP and Microsoft PowerPoint. If you're thinking of using the remote for another program, no worries. It can be customized, provided the functions in the software use keyboard commands. Because you can only assign the keys on the remote to replicate keystrokes, menu driven commands cannot be used. For instance, the Apple CD Audio Player does not have keyboard shortcuts for the fast forward and rewind functions--they must be clicked onscreen with the mouse. Therefore, although the DMR is otherwise compatible, you cannot use the remote to skip ahead or back within a song. Keyspan acknowledges this shortcoming in the documentation and plans to address the issue in future versions.

Switching between applications is simple enough, as the remote sports a button that cycles through all open programs in the tradition of Command-Tab. The DMR is then smart enough to adapt itself to the program in the foreground. This is handy, but what I would like to see is the ability to work on programs without bringing them to the foreground. Quite often, when working from home, I'll have Photoshop, Quark, Acrobat and the Apple CD Audio Player all open. Now let's say the phone rings, and I'm pretty sure it's my boss. I don't think he needs to hear Stan Ridgway playing in the background, so I have to cycle through all these open apps to get to the CD player, hit pause, and then pick up the phone. I was disappointed to learn that I couldn't use the DMR to pause the CD player while still in the background. Keyspan has informed me that they're working on AppleScript compatibility. When this is completed--hopefully sometime with in the first quarter of 2000--users will be able to create (or perhaps download?) scripts that will enable them to use the remote on programs in the background.

So now we're ready to climb Sam Hill. Is the Keyspan Digital Media Remote really all that practical, or is it just another toy for the Kings of the Remote. That comes down to the individual user. For those making presentations with PowerPoint or other more powerful and useful presentation programs, the DMR is great. With that 35 foot IR signal, one can show off the results of the Majestic Frigate Fund even while getting a drink from the cooler down the hall.

And the home user? That depends on how he/she uses the computer, of course. I play bass, having been a founder and/or member of such legendary acts as Fatal if Swallowed, Druid Theatre, Wet Buchannon and Flat Stanley. Because my amp is now located in my computer room, I use Apple's CD Audio Player when learning new cover songs. Keyspan's DMR allows me to stay close to the amp while relentlessly pausing and rewinding Rush's "New World Man" to hear just what Geddy Lee pulled off this time.

Despite a few annoying kinks, Keyspan's Digital Media Remote does a good enough job at serving its function. The question of whether or not that function is all that useful depends upon you. If you find yourself needing to control certain functions from a distance, such as presentations or even sitting back to watch a DVD on your shiny new G4, then the DMR is an excellent solution. But if you're never more than arm's length from the keyboard, the DMR is fairly pointless. Possession of it would only reinforce the fodder from those second-rate comedians who all so often end up with TV sitcoms.

Together, we can put an end to "American Goofy" and make the world safe for real comedy once again. If not, you've always got the remote to turn the channel.