The H.M.S. Freeverse

By: Kirk Hiner

Genre: Internet Game Server

Developer: Freeverse Software

Minimum Requirements: MacOS 8.1, 10MB RAM, 15MB free hard disk space, NetSprocket 1.7.1, H.M.S. Freeverse compatible software

Know what I'm not very good at, I mean aside from caber tossing? Cards. Never have been, not since the games played with them became more complicated slap jack. I was pretty good at that Slap Jack game. Ruthless, if you will...or at least as ruthless as a six-year-old can be. Many times after a game, my broken opponent could be overheard saying, "What could I do? Kirk was in the zone."

But slap jack is as far as I got. No gin rummy, no crazy eights, and I somehow made it through four years of college without once having to play a game euchre. Even now when Tieraney's family sits down to a game as we're all camping in Mohican Valley, I'll instead wander off in search of Sasquatch or the Loch Ness Monster or some other legendary creature in which I'll believe until someone proves to me it doesn't exist.

Know what I am pretty good at? Computer games. I've been playing them since I was old enough to reach the keyboard at COSI, and I'll be playing until at least a couple of months after I'm dead...or until Sierra manages to cancel all Macintosh games, even those not manufactured by them.

I want to start by stating it's now my goal in life to work for Freeverse Software. My former goals were to get a novel published and to star in my own one-man Broadway adaptation of How to Make An American Quilt, but not anymore. Now I just want to say that I'm part of the Freeverse Empire.

Whereas I respect Freeverse for software such as Jared: Butcher of Song, Virtual Viagra, and Deathground, the rest of the MacOS speaking world knows them mainly for their card games...and their monkeys, I guess. There are so many monkeys in Freeverse games that I wouldn't be surprised if they turned out a script for Hamlet someday soon.

I really enjoyed that one.

My problem with card games on the computer is you lose the most important element of the game...interaction. Seems to me the only reason people play any card game other than solitaire is so you can hang out with friends. As much as I enjoy my Macintosh, I don't really consider it a friend. More like a co-worker, perhaps. Freeverse Software, with the launching of their internet game server, the H.M.S. Freeverse, has quite effectively eliminated this problem. Now nearly all of their games can be played online against real live puppets...I mean people.

Getting onto and into the H.M.S. Freeverse is easier than taking tricks with a handful of aces. Simply establish an internet connection, launch your game of choice, and select Embark from the menu options. You're now aboard and ready to play.

There are currently eight available areas of the H.M.S. Freeverse in which you can set up your game. If the Main Deck is too crowded, head up to the Crow's Nest or down to the Bilge. But no matter where you are, the name of each player is accompanied with an icon indicating the game that person used to embark. You can immediately tell who's there for spades, hearts, cribbage, etc. The main window serves as a lounge of sorts where messages from those in your area are displayed. Above this is the list of passengers, and to the right of that are the games either in play (greyed out) or awaiting additional players. To join a game, simply select it, click join, and you're off. To host a game, click host, type in a name, and wait for your competition/partner. If you don't have enough players, you can assign bots to round out the game.

Every game playable aboard the H.M.S. Freeverse has its own customizable options (spades players, beware Puff and her evil sandbags). To go into detail on each game would take far more time than my deadlines allow, if I had deadlines, which I don't, but that's neither here nor there. I'm a spades guy at the moment, so most of my in-game descriptions come from that.

When I first started going online to play spades, two things struck me; the small number of people available to play, and the friendliness of those awaiting competition. I guess that runs hand in hand--the smaller the group, the more open and cordial its members. No one seemed to care that I didn't know blind nil from Blind Melon, and they were all quick to answer any question I had about rules and strategy. Up until now, my experience with multiplayer gaming centered around titles such as Myth, Unreal Tournament and Lo Wang: Shadow Warrior. Now I love those games to death (usually my character's), the action adds a good amount of spice to my weeknights. The people at Bungie.net or gameranger.com are friendly and always willing to play, but the nature of the beast also requires them to be somewhat aggressive. That's the whole point, right?

On the H.M.S. Freeverse, everything is more relaxed. You get the internet play, but you also get conversation. While playing cards or cribbage or whatever, you can talk about your work day, how much you hate Felicity, that time you lowered your brother down the laundry chute on an extension chord when you were kids...anything at all. It's not better or worse than the online frag fests, it's a completely different element. The kind of place I can go to hang out with Tieraney, my mom, or total strangers. Chatting is as simple there as it is in your basic AOL Messenger type of thing, and Freeverse includes special features such as the ability to make your bot frown or smile to display emotion. Some phrases can even be spoken. But I think what I like best was the built in MP3 player.

But don't for a second think that this place is all high brow and uppity. Remember that this is Freeverse we're talking about, the company that made a simulated stapler entertaining. The characters you can chose to play againt and to represent yourself are as hilarious as ever, especially the alien, Zebulon Pesci. "How do you do ladies and gentlemen my name is Zebulon Pesci I'll be your alien for the evening." Zebulon's rendition of "We Will Rock You" may be the best remake of a Queen song since Dwight Yoakam's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." And speaking of Queen, Whitney--one of the four human "puppets" you can play--has forever won my heart. After she and Merlina beat me and Ian, she stepped in for Zeb and offered her own rendition of "We Will Rock You." She then followed this up with "We Are the Champions." Fair enough, to separate those two songs is to commit rock and roll blasphemy. And they're also the two best "Your teams sucks" songs ever written.

Okay, shameless plug. Sorry about that.

But see, that's what the H.M.S. Freeverse is all about. You log on, you play some games, and you talk about Queen, you talk about the Macintosh...whatever. Freeverse Software has created a coffee house here. An elite social club that can be joined by anyone with a Macintosh, a modem, and $19.99 for the game of your choice.

Well, anyone except for my younger brother. He's still stuck in the laundry chute.

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February 10, 2012