Beachhead 2000

Reviewed By: Kirk Hiner

Review Date: October 30, 2000

Genre: Action/Arcade

Format: CD

Developer: Digital Fusion, Inc.

Publisher: MacSoft

Minimum Requirements: 225MHz PowerPC 603 or 180MHz PowerPC 604, MacOS 8.1, 32MB RAM, CD-ROM, QuickTime (included)

Network Feature: No

3D Support: No

Retail Price: $19.99

Availability: Now

I'm going to give Beachhead 2000 a 4, but it actually deserves a 2. Or maybe I'm going to give it a 2, but it actually deserves a 4. It certainly should get one or the other, but I haven't yet decided which. I point this ambivalence out because I'm assuming that many of my readers skip the actual reviews--which can get quite lengthy, I'll admit--and just scroll down the rating. I wanted to state up front that this is a review that should be read, because writing it may help me sort through all this.

Perhaps my odd feelings towards this game stem from the fact that each time I load it I start singing the lyrics to "Women and Men" by They Might Be Giants:

But there's something beside the shoreline
Moving across the beachhead
Coming up from the shipwreck
Making as if to say
Women and men

Now as anyone familiar with They Might Be Giants knows, they're not exactly a band whose tunes you want flitting through your head as you're about to lay waste to hundreds of enemy soldiers. Pantera, Metallica, perhaps even Ace of Base (although for another reason altogether). Not They Might Be Giants.

Luckily, the opening music of the game is a bit more militant. It's reminiscent of the opening theme to Prime Target, another MacSoft title in which you must kill a lot of people. The opening disclaimer also detains any happiness that might accompany you into Beachhead 2000:

Glaring typo aside, the disclaimer is needed. In Beachhead 2000, you see, you're a lone gunman above a sandy beach. Coming at you by land, by sea and by air are wave upon wave of enemy soldiers. I'd say it's like the invasion of Normandy if the Allied Powers had only one Axis soldier to kill. You're the Axis soldier, and you will be killed.

Beachhead 2000 carries on the grand tradition of arcade games past in that you can't last forever. No matter how good you get, eventually the sheer number of enemies will get the better of you. The purpose of the game is to see how many points you can rack up in the meantime. Such games are a blast at first, but once you get good enough to make it to the higher levels, the game can get quite boring. It's the inherent flaw of arcade style games, and Beachhead 2000 doesn't escape it. However, it's a blast getting there.

Without the benefit of hardware accelerated 3D graphics, Beachhead still looks very good. The landscape surrounding you is somewhat blotchy, but the enemy sea, air and land craft all look really cool...especially the helicopters. Of course, it's not a good idea to leave any of them on screen long enough to get a good look. The sooner you destroy them, the better, and you're provided four methods with which to do so. First is your antiaircraft/antitank gun that can be toggled to defend against whatever happens to pose the largest threat. Either weapon can be used to destroy the foot soldiers that pour up the beach towards you.

You're also equipped with a small supply of missiles that can be used to home in on enemy aircraft or used stop an enemy tank or APC. Use these wisely; if you waste them all on APCs while you've got a squadron of fighter jets buzzing the area...well, there'll be no Congressional Medal of Honor awaiting you back home.

Some levels allow you to call in artillery support while you worry about those bombers. And if that doesn't work, you can always resort to your trusty .45 caliber pistol. Against soldiers, anyway. If you waste all of your ammo (yes, you can run out of everything) and have only the pistol to defend yourself against that squadron of fighter jets...I've covered this already, haven't I. Luckily, a cargo plan periodically flies overhead throughout each level dropping health and ammo canisters. Shoot these canisters and reap the benefits. Of course, you also expose yourself to attack while you're trying to pick up the goodies, but hey...war is hell, right?

In many ways, Beachhead 2000 is similar to that most awful of computer game franchises, Deer Hunter. You sit in one spot and spin around and around until you find something at which to shoot (in fact, to control the game, all you need are the mouse and two or three keys). But unlike Deer Hunter, you don't have to wait too long before that something appears, and that something appears in greater numbers, and with intent to destroy you. So I guess that Beachhead 2000 would be more link Deer Hunter if Deer Hunter had bothered to be fun.

In speaking about this game with fellow reviewer Bill Stiteler, he pointed out that it felt to him as if this were a shareware game with better graphics. And at only $19.99, it's certainly priced at the shareware level. But simple as it may be, it's still undeniably fun. It appeals to the kid in me, although I'm not sure which kid that is. Is it the one who used to stay up until all hours of the night playing less attractive but equally addictive Intellivision games or the one who used to climb into the tree house and shoot his brother's BB gun at make believe Mexicans as they tried to cross I-71 onto his parents' property. It's not that I had or have anything against Mexicans, of course, but to a six-year-old kid, Mexicans were the enemy of the tree house just as cowboys were the enemy of the neighborhood and Gor from the Fifth Galaxy was the enemy of dad's recliner chair.

So with Beachhead 2000, you can make the enemy anyone you want it to be. Sure, the fighter jets are obviously F4s, but with America's policy of selling, trading and/or giving our military hardware to any enemy willing to pay, trade and/or be thankful enough, the enemy can still be anyone! God bless America!

The question is, how many people will find clearing beaches of enemy soldiers worthy of their pastime time? I don't know, and that's why I'm torn with this review. The part of me that enjoys simple action, the part that hates instruction manuals, the part that occasionally likes to blow up a helicopter wants to give this game a 4. The part that prefers his games to require more intelligence than fast reflexes, the part that prefers multiple layers, the part that enjoys the realism of games such as Rainbow Six wants to give it a 2. I suppose I could compromise and give it a 3, but that's taking the easy way out. That, and the game doesn't deserve a 3. 3 is certainly a good rating from us here at Applelinks gaming, but Beachhead 2000 is just a little bit better...or perhaps a little bit worse. I don't know. I think I'll just put on some They Might Be Giants and look for the answer in their lyrics.

I'm your only friend
I'm not your only friend
But I'm a little glowing friend
But really I'm not actually your friend
But I am

Or perhaps not.