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What do you get when you combine epic fantasy and lyrics that stir the soul? Well, you get J.R.R. Tolkien. But if you add dope beats and a sense of humor to that, you'd end up with the Lords of the Rhymes, the internet's latest stars.

Don't mistake the Lords--who go by handles B-dil and Q-beam--for pretenders; two poseurs who saw the movie once or twice. They quickly establish their credentials with rhymes like "rockin' rooms from the Misty Mountains to the Gulf of Ruhn," and giving props to "all the unsung heroes: Hama, Ioreth, Ghan-Buri-Ghan." This, combined with the professional sound of their music and their first video, have made the Lords a hit with Tolkien fans on the net.

And like all guardians of goodness and truth, they do all their work on Macintosh. Applelinks sent Bill Stiteler down to the Shire to interview B-dil.

Applelinks: Describe your computer setup.

B-dil: All the beats were made on my second generation blueberry iMac with souped-up RAM. It's a testament to Mac that we can do all this on a basic tool like the iMac. We'd sure love to get a 60 gig external hard drive donated out of this interview though.

Applelinks: I'll see what I can do about that. One thing that really impressed me about "Lords of the Rhymes" was the professional sound of the single. What was the process for recording, mixing, and releasing the single?

B-dil: I made and mixed all the beats with Reason software on my iMac. We smoothed it out a bit in Logic, but for the most part it's something any young sapling could do from the comfort of their own hobbit hole...that's the wonder of technology. We recorded samples from my turntable mixer straight into the computer mic jack and mixed 'em up in Reason later.

Applelinks: How long have you been using Macs?

B-dil: Since they were made of wood.

Applelinks: What else do you use your Mac for?

B-dil: Design, Writing, Editing, Cartography, Philology, and elf voyeurism.

Applelinks: Such as?

B-dil: Our old clunker iMac--Doraemon is its name for those who want to know--is a full-on solo production studio. We write our rhymes in Word, design our flyers, posters and CD graphics in Quark Xpress, make our beats in Peak and Reason, and answer our fan mail in Eudora Pro. We don't even have a sound card, so all the audio runs through a little 1/8" cable into the mic jack. Then, after we sample, we switch that same 1/8" cable into the audio out jack so we can listen to it all through my boombox. That's right, the whole production is low budget, old forest style.

Applelinks: Tolkien wrote of Hobbits: "They do not and did not understand or like machines more complicated than a forge-bellows, a water mill or a hand loom, although they were skilful with tools." Did this influence your decision to go with Macs over PCs?

B-dil: Sauron uses a PC. Remember what Tolkien says about evil: "It cannot create, it can only mock." In the same way orcs are a mockery of elves, PCs are a mockery of Macs.

Applelinks: How did the Lords of the Rhymes come together as a group? What inspired you to blend rap and Tolkien?

B-dil: Tolkien is a rhymer at heart...all the chapters of LOTR have beautiful, transcendent rhymes in them. We were both admirers of Tolkien and of hip hop, and we both had obscure albums with Tolkien references. One day we didn't have anything else to do and we were like, "Hey, we should rap about Tolkien." That was it...oh, and I think my partner Q-beam started having recurring dreams that he was spontaneously rapping about Tolkien in the shower.

Applelinks: Who are your musical influences?

B-dil: Zeppelin!!!!!

Applelinks: What about hip-hop?

B-dil: Spoonie G, Eric B, Dimples D, Eazy E...oh, and Zeppelin.

Applelinks: When you're not busy being world famous rap stars and Hobbits, what do you do?

B-dil: Enjoy all the benefits of having elfin groupies.

Applelinks: What's the fan reaction been so far?

B-dil: 40,000 downloads and counting, lotsa fan mail, live show requests...it's good to be a hobbit rapper these days.

Applelinks: Any letters/e-mails/threats from Peter Jackson's crew?

B-dil: Nothin' yet. We heard Elijah Wood got forwarded the song, but haven't heard from him. Our dream is to play the Return of the King premier in New Zealand in December 2003.

Applelinks: For me, the best part of the song is the Gollum beatbox effect. How did you create that?

B-dil: We got him really drunk and dangled a fish in front of him.

Applelinks: How long, total, did you spend in the production of the song?

B-dil: From conception to execution, about a year. We didn't have the right software before, so we were trying to make beats on a sampler and couldn't do it right. We were frustrated hobbit rappers at that point.

Applelinks: You used Macs in the production of your video as well. Can you describe the shooting and editing process?

B-dil: We shot it on (digital video) and our man, C-fin, digitized it and hooked it all up on his titanium laptop on Final Cut. It literally took him three days to get a rough cut going. He's quick like that.

Applelinks: How long did the video take to produce?

B-dil: Two frigid weeks.

Applelinks: You shot your video in public places, including (what appears to be) downtown New York. What's it like to be a Hobbit in Times Square?

B-dil: Cold. Though the prosthetic feet are strangely warm.

Applelinks: What kind of experience do you have with music and video production?

B-dil: We've producing beats for years.

Applelinks: The Red Book of Westmarch states that Mordor lies in the east. Yet Redmond, WA, is in the northwest part of the country. How could Tolkien miss that?

B-dil: That's why he's called Sauron the deceiver.

Applelinks: When the next single coming out? Can you tell us anything about it?

B-dil: All we can say is there once was a German synthesizer artist in a turban named Mickey D who sang about Black Riders through a vocoder. And we found him.

Bill's been using Macs since the late 80s. When he's not making smartass remarks to amuse Kirk Hiner, he enjoys fighting for the user.