1167 If you've ever been swimming with a kid, you know the drill: they hold their breath for ten seconds underwater, jump out gasping for breath, look at you expectantly, and you praise them. Good job! That was really impressive!

Of course, it's not really impressive, you just don't want to hurt their feelings. Why do I bring this up? No reason.

Hey, did you hear that Napster just sold its five millionth song? And that it's the number one download service (for PC-only stores? Isn't that great? Aren't you proud of them?

Okay, they're out of the room now.

Man! Where to begin with this one? Number one? How did that happen? Why, surely they must be the most amazing marketers ever... they've completely surpassed the iTunes music store, and no one even saw it coming! Hey, wait a minute! PC-only? You mean to say that if you count Windows and Mac sales, iTunes is still more popular? What a nifty bit of legerdemain that is. You completely fooled me, Napster.

Second, Apple sold five million songs, too... in about half the time. And that was back when Apple only sold songs to Mac users. But we're talking about a real market here! A manly market! A PC-only market! Of course, we might compare the PC-only iTunes sales vs. Napster, but no, that would be cheating.

Finally, there's the wonderful bit from Roxio's unfrozen caveman CEO Chris Gorog:

"This important milestone is a testament to the quality of the Napster experience and the strength and continuity of our senior management team, which is comprised of nearly all the same music industry professionals that have led the company for years."

Countering, perhaps, recent stories about how a several of Napster's senior management have left the company recently.

And what's a press release without a disclaimer?

Except for historical information, the matters discussed in this press release, in particular matters related to the success of the Napster service, future revenue, demand for our service from universities and relationships with certain corporate partners including marketing partners and hardware and software manufacturers are forward-looking statements that are subject to certain risks and uncertainties such as decreased demand for our products, increased competition, failure to maintain business relationships with our partners and general economic conditions, that could cause actual results to differ materially from those projected.

Boy, that's gotta be the biggest buzzkill since "For tomorrow, we die," eh?

Bill's been using Macs since the late 80s. When he's not making smartass remarks to amuse Kirk Hiner, he enjoys fighting for the user.

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