|
||||||||
|
Cool Mac Gear• iPod Video • iPod nano • iPod 1G-2G • iPod 3G • iPod 4G • iPod Mini • PowerBook-iBook • Garageband |
You're No Elk! (Typographical experiment in progress, proceed with caution) Oh
never mind There was also a good satirical piece gestating in my brain about Microsoft launching a pre-emptive strike on Cupertino, but my heart just wasn't in it, especially after running over a state trooper who I know was just about to give me a ticket. That shook me up so much, I went right to Smith's and snuck a pint of Cuervo out inside my leather jacket (they would have overcharged me anyway). When I got home, I found my wife had left me because she figured it was only a matter of time before I broke my promise to stay sober. What a day. (Whew!) Likewise, I had a positively brilliant comeback prepared for the few psychopaths who subjected me to socio-economic flaming after I said that outside of environments like Macworld Expo, I've never met a single Mac user who had the very latest hardware and software (owning same supposedly being the minimum requirement for non-blasphemous Mac reporting.) But after opening the Sunday New York Times business section and finding an advice column on how investors could profit from a war with Iraq, I decided to relent. Accordingly, I'm now four-square behind killing as many people as it takes to get the price of regular down below $1 per gallon in hopes that I can save enough to buy a new system every three months. Why hasn't anyone pointed this out before?  Danger
in the dirt There was more than enough fuel on board to drive to Nebraska, so I gave the 300 cubic inch six all it wanted. The big Ford barreled along at 70 mph all the way to Costilla and a little bit beyond, where the Bad Cows made me stop. Threatening them with reviving the draft or transport to central Texas got them out of the road long enough for me to swing around the herd. Ahead was 55 miles of dirt road (no lie) leading right through the heart of elk country and Ted Turner's ranch. This was going to be fun, I knew.  After only about ten of those miles we ended up at over 9,000 feet with one of the most ridiculously fabulous views in all creation smacking us in the face [below]. High on scenery, I took one look at the sign that read "U.S. 64, 47 miles" and never looked back. We'd already climbed to the top of the pass, so the rest would be easy, haha. Before I knew it, we were sliding down slippery gravel-covered hairpin turns along sheer drop-offs with no guardrails. A quick glance at the spruces whizzing by my window ("DON'T LOOK, just drive!") showed only sky between the branches. Finally we reached the bottom of whatever it was and had a relatively peaceful hour-long jostle all the way to the highway, except for that last little "tippy-truck" sign. You know, the ones that show the silhouette of a truck beside a black triangle? Flying over the top of a ridge in a cloud of dust and rocks to plunge into a curving ten percent downgrade made my day but nearly ended someone else's. She can take it, though. Beam
me up, Scotty I was sure we'd see some elk, because before we left I'd seen a big red truck go by with a bed-full of bloody elk heads, but damned if we didn't. I mean, it was antler CITY! Oh wait a minute, maybe that's why (duh!): hunting season, sure. The only good elk is a dead elk, and all that. Well, poop. At least the air was clear, and I took a lot of pictures so I could remember.  On the way back to the apartment, we stopped at the Sonic Drive-in for green chile cheeseburgers and fries. While I sat waiting for the brown-skinned girl with a voice like a bell to hand me the bag and ask for seven dollars and 24 cents, I remembered something else that happened this week: far away back East in Reston, Virginia, Microsoft opened a multi-million dollar Innovation & Technology Conference Center featuring "secured facilities for classified meeetings with intelligence agencies." I am not making this up, as the saying goes, but I wish I were. I wish I were making a lot of things up, but there you go. Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr will gladly rejigger this page's font selection & size if more than two people complain. FARRFEED.COM -- Salon Weblog GRACK! updates will now be included in the all-new FARR SITE NEWS newslist. To join up, just CLICK HERE and send a blank email. (Current year's columns just below)
"GRACK!" is © copyright 2002, John H. Farr, all rights reserved
Page: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 |
|
||||||
