August 27, 2001

Hotter than blazes
I wish I could say I loved Arizona, I really do. But aside from being the only place I've ever been where the scenic license plates actually match what you see on the horizon, this is one of those places I'd rather visit than live. Don't get me wrong, now -- it's nifty, all right, and often beautiful. It's just too incessantly, ridiculously HOT, at least down here in Tucson.

This isn't a crime, you understand. There have to be hot places and cold places, and before you know it -- say around Christmas -- it'll turn more pleasant here, I'm sure. Today (this being written the night of August 25) it was still 103 degrees Fahrenheit half an hour after sunset... At the Sonoran Desert Museum southwest of town this morning, I heard one of the guides explaint that since it was forecast to hit 105, it would probably reach 115-120 out there. (Once upon a time on an earlier visit, I did see an actual 125 degrees on a thermometer!)

I guess it's just something you have to get used to. And there are compensations, like at least one good Macintosh dealer (Simutek). I also had no trouble finding other computer-related businesses that make a point of emphasizing their Mac-friendliness. Judging from the production values evident in the KUAT-TV promotions, the people running the University of Arizona's public television station are highly-skilled digital video jockeys, and I'll bet they use Macs. But that's the last Apple hook in this paragraph, I'm afraid. Other Tucson advantages are more along the lines of bikini car washes ("Dirty Cars & Wet Women!") and the fabulous half-pound grilled steerburgers at Tiny's Saloon (I washed down one of them with two $1.75 margaritas and wish I could do it again).

Four hundred eighty megabytes
Yes, I went and did it. Sequestered indoors to avoid the above temperatures, I thought it would be a good time to play with my PowerMac. A certain vendor's RAM prices were so low as to defy belief, so I ordered up a pair of 128MB EDO DIMMs for the 8600. For those of you who have never followed my exploits, this may be a good time to mention that my 8600 has a 450MHz G3 processor, two fast SCSI hard drives, a USB card, and now sports 480MB of memory. This particular model has 8 RAM slots and could easily accomodate a full gigabyte if I were only a little bit richer and crazier. I wanted to fill all the spaces with identical pieces, but I just couldn't justify it on a salary of somewhere in the neighborhood of minus two thousand dollars per month. (And if you think that's crazy, just watch what happens in Washington next year).

Anyway, memory for the current crop of Macs is almost free and if you haven't bought any RAM recently, you should-- heck, you'll probably think you've died and gone to heaven. I saw an offer earlier today that promised a whole gigabyte of memory with the purchase of one of the new dual 800MHz screamers. Now that will get a person's attention, I'd say. There is also an elegance and symmetry to that configuration, RAM- and processor-wise, that makes me want to build a little shrine to it. "Elegance," you ask? Well, yes. I pay attention to such things. I'll even admit that my choice of memory upgrades was influenced by the nature of the total number of megabytes that would result. No, there wasn't any numerology involved, just intuition. Well, that and Visa-fear.

The amazing thing about this episode, however, besides the stunning sight of "next-day delivery" occuring on the very next day (unheard of in northern New Mexico or the Eastern Shore of Maryland), was that I installed the DIMMs right away, without a second thought, didn't even wait for lunch -- and everything worked. Yeah man. Just flipped the thing over, opened 'er up, and popped 'em in (I did use an anti-static strap and so should you). I also never even touched the cables and literally flew through the operation in one quick blur instead of first: a) unplugging everything , b) cleaning the outside of the case, c) meditating on the big beige monolith for several days, and d) mentally going over every stage of the operation again and again, until I'm sure the demons have all gone or died of boredom. That was the old way of doing things, but don't worry: it still works if you have the time.

Putting two and three together
So what have I learned from my 5 week sojourn in southern Arizona that has anything at all to do with the concerns of people reading this? Let's see:

1. The "lead a horse to water" syndrome: My mother got her orginal iMac 3 years ago. She still doesn't know the difference between a program and a folder, Netscape and a Web site, etc. Can't add bookmarks, has never tried any menu choices beyond the first one she finds that works, and so on. Complains about not getting any emails. "Mother, you have to send emails to get emails..." At least she's online and I can contact her.

2. "Dry heat" or not, 108 degrees (the official Tucson temperature as I'm writing this on Sunday afternoon) is just too damned hot. How is this relevant to you? Simple: you have been warned. However, I am authoritatively informed that it gets even hotter in Australia, so if that makes you feel better, come on down! :-)

3. Considering the advertising drought and resulting crisis affecting Mac sites and everyone else in light of certain Arizona attractions, I have a great idea: NAKED MAC HOW-TO ARTICLES, viewable by subscription only, of course. We could have all four flavors, if you get my drift. What? Oh, right. There are lots more than just four, but I think we should limit this to couples to start with, and no animals. You Mac dealers out there might consider doing something like bikini RAM installations or some such. Cheap drinks wouldn't hurt, either.

Seriously though: there has to be a better way to manage all of this. As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know. And now to post this and turn up the swamp cooler...

(It just dropped to 106, but better safe than sorry!)

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr just realized that as he was driving back to his mother's house the other night, it was FIFTY DEGREES COOLER back in New Mexico at that exact moment! Ye gods... (It's all in the altitude, folks.) Switch that "L" for another "T" and you have FARR SITE, still languishing at a last-updated July 4th version. The index for 2001 is here.

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