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Vitamins for the Soul
Groucho Would've Used a Mac

August 19, 2002

Hey, who stole the comedy?

I miss Groucho
Would Groucho Marx find this funny or not? ABCNews.com has a link to a slideshow of pictures of Groucho and his brothers on its home page as I write this Sunday night. According to the text, he "died 30 years ago this week." When you get to the end of the slideshow, you learn he died on August 19, 1977 at the age of 86...

It kinda figures, though. In a time when current events are badly-scripted cartoons at best, why should the editors of the home page of a major "news" network Web site bother to be accurate? At any rate, I hereby dedicate this week's GRACK! to Groucho's memory and predict with heavy certainty that one like him will never come again. Satire just doesn't work well any more, doggone it. Reality's been hijacked! When the most outrageous thing you can ever imagine being said has already been delivered straight-faced on the nightly news, comedy can't gain a purchase. There ain't no toehold on that sucker, folks. Darn near everything has moved way, way past ridicule, with management of the masses now seemingly complete...

Except IT ISN'T SO, OF COURSE, SO DON'T GIVE IN! The kids know best on this one. Biologically and spiritually primed for maximum effect, they just need a little push. (You say you want a revolution? The icons of liberation you see pictured here are worthy of your study. Rent all the films and watch them many, many times. Rewind all the crazy parts and play them back until you have at least a couple memorized, then go out and live your life.) There, I gave it a shot. I'm not done yet, either.

Alive and well in Alamosa
"What is?" Public radio, that's what, and no one's ever going to hijack the reality of KRZA-FM, "Relevant radio for the Upper Rio Grande Region." I actually made it to the interview stage for part-time music director at the station [read more about this at my FarrFeed blog at Salon.com]. Unfortunately there's the little matter of minimum wage and having to commute over 80 miles each way, but even so, I haven't told them no. For that matter, they haven't told me yes, so I guess we're still even at this stage.

The reason I didn't walk away as soon as the station manager told me what the pay was [sob] is simply that I loved the place. Just look at the picture down below: does this look like a radio station to you? Well, it is, and a damned friendly one at that. The upstairs is the studio, with CDs lining all the walls (rock and classical are in the closet). The broadcast booth is tiny as can be, but everything you need is in there somewhere. The music director "has" to put it at least six hours of DJ time every month, but that was what I liked the most! All their DJs are volunteers, you realize, and I'll bet there isn't an open slot available. I urge you all to read this "Why We DJ" essay to get a sense of why the duty turned me on.

Computer-wise, they have an old Performa that they "only use for faxes," but the printer (a mint-condition Stylewriter II) doesn't work and no one seems to know what's wrong. Picture my hand reaching for the mouse and pulling back -- "it's just an interview, you moron!" -- oh, that was hard, I tell you. They have a few PCs networked to a DSL connection, but when I walked through none were turned on and making use of all that bandwidth. I saw a DAT recorder/player upstairs on a rack and started hyperventilating over what a modern Mac could do in that environment. I just wanted to move right in and start helping to take care of the place, you know? God bless 'em, anyway, the lucky bastards. You don't run things like KRZA for the money, and if that isn't revolutionary in these times, I don't know what is.

And finally, PowerMacs with portholes
One of the best things about the new Macs is the "Roadmaster" tag I've heard in some quarters. If that doesn't tickle your fancy, then you never drove a straight-8, that's for sure. Come to think of it, I never actually did either, though a junior high school friend of mine in Abilene did take me for a ride in a primo ancient Packard that his dad had picked up somewhere. (Seats like flannel-covered sofas but no portholes on the Packard!)

I'd have more to say on hardware news, but since the column's titled "Vitamins for the Soul" and I feel rather undernourished by the business of America this week, I'll just accentuate the positive and say I think the case would look lots better with round holes, you know?

Round holes with little chrome rings around 'em, there you go.

  "Grack!"

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr humbly suggests the following links may be of interest:

FarrFeed -- new Salon blog
JHFarr.com -- professional writing site
Fotofeed.com -- daily NM image site
Zoozone.com -- ancient weirdness
Buffalo Lights -- book synopsis
 GRACK Update List

The GRACK! Update mailing list is a favorite with spammers everywhere. Just CLICK HERE and send a blank email.

GRACK! 2001 archives are HERE.
(Current year's columns just below) 

Aug. 12: "PowerSuck G12 MP Killumded"
Aug. 5: "
Sublimity of the Mundane"
July 29: "
Sweating It Out"
July 22: "
Keynotes & Kittycats"
July 15: "
Weird Week in Store"
July 8: "
Beauty Treatment"
July 1: "
Quantum Warriors"
June 24: "
Wait, I'm Not Done Yet!"
June 17: "
Magnum Mysterium"
June 10 "
Six Weeks Before the Mast"
June 3: "
Hair, Skin, and Bare Feet"
May 27: "
I Went on a Trip to Mingus"
May 20: "
Creative Procrastination"
May 13: "
It's Ten O'clock!"
May 6: "
Sagebrush Saga"
Apr. 29 "
Universe of Lies"
Apr. 22: "
Earth Day All the Time"
Apr. 15: "
Oh, THOSE Taxes!"
Apr. 8: "
Turn Left at the Llamas"
Apr. 1: "
April Drool"
Mar. 25: "
Tuzas on the Curb"
Mar. 18: "
Holy Ghostbeak"
Mar. 11: "
Lord of the Turkeys"
Mar. 4: "
The Heart of the Matter"
Feb. 25: "
New Stuff: Browsers, Servers, etc."
Feb. 18: "
Mascot Lore & More"
Feb. 11: "
Killer Email & Wiccan PotLuck"
Feb. 4: "
Meanies, Guerillas, & Subscription Copycats"
Jan. 28: "
Full Moon Frenzy, w/ PowerMacs"
Jan. 21: "
iMacs & Webmaster Schadenfreude"
Jan. 14: "
Was It Only a Week Ago?"
Jan. 7: "
Useless Column"
Dec. 31, '01: "
I Want a Refund"

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

DESIGN CREDIT: GRACK! byline graphic by Bob Farr.

"GRACK!" is © copyright 2002, John H. Farr, all rights reserved

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