Anywhere But Bethlehem, I Hope
Redirecting the Slouching, Slavering Legions of Doom

July 9, 2001

Skepticism and hope is great combination...

A cheery pre-Macworld howdy to you all
To wrap up just a bit from from last week, I can tell you I still haven't ordered the too-cheap-to-believe RAM and I don't know if I ever will. The only RAM vendor I really trust still wants three times as much for what they sell that fits my PowerMac 8600, and I just will not bite on the other offer (something ike 45 bucks for 128MB). It can't be as good, so I think I'll just wait until the industry tanks and go scoop a few gigabytes of RAM out of a dumpster, ha-ha. I may be stupid, but nothing's too good for my beloved 8600.

Meanwhile, what with distractions like the rehabilitation of murderous zealotry in full swing in D.C. and Microsoft showing the public relations restraint of a North Korean dictator, it's just a little harder than usual to whip up a big head of enthusiasm for the upcoming Macworld Expo. Maybe if I just stopped reading the news... I'm really at that point now, what with no TV and no daily paper. I don't even listen to public radio very much. Apple Computer news is always fascinating, of course, and I'd love to be writing some this minute, only, you know -- it's the Great Biannual Pre-Expo News & Rumor Blackout.

What a drag! So, as an initial antidote to just about everything, I offer you this link to Dan Gillmor's latest column at SiliconValley.com: "Time Off Should Offer a Time for Reflection." He's on the right track with thoughts like these, although only a single column on this theme won't do the trick, any more than sending a mobster to church once a year:

"Most people are honorable. Most try to live decently and productively. But how many of us truly reflect on the deeper things? ...You have to wonder how many leaders in the valley or throughout the nation truly reflect on much of anything. Maybe they don't give themselves a chance, or feel they can't. Chalk it up to Internet Time -- the relentless compression of life that leads people to act quickly and think later, if then."

News blackouts and their masters
Call me a fool, call me a taxi, I don't care. Last week I got the usual hate mail from folks who'd impose their own kind of blackout if they could. One gentleman in particular took umbrage at my noting that the government has given away the alleged tax surplus, in the process leaving virtually nothing in the kitty to fix Medicare and Social Security. Well now sirrah, I'll have you know that I'm a 1,000 percent red-blooded American and take special pride in knowing I live in a country where a poor man is free to die on the sidewalk! [sigh...]

Freedom is a wonderful thing. Apple, for instance, is free to keep repeating the silliness of leaving everything up to each Macworld Expo's keynote speech. Yes, I understand the debilitating effect of rumors on Apple's sales and don't indulge in spreading them, except maybe to my brother. For instance, I did tell him about the -- oh, never mind! But I do think it's just plain DUMB not to let loose at least a few tantalizing hints to build up the buzz. It would be so much fun, too. I've heard all the arguments, and people at Apple.com have written me with earnest rationales. But you and I know that's all horse-hockey, as Col. Potter used to say.*

I hate the hypocrisy, too. I mean, without the speculating that does go on, there wouldn't be any pre-show excitement at all. Why would anyone even bother to go? It would be like the biannual "Checker Cab Expo," har. Right now, for example (despite the moral lapses alluded to earlier), I'm excited about Macworld! No, I really am!! And not because nothing is going to happen, but because I've heard about "D-Day," new iMacs, new PowerMacs, and the "Vegan Eats Flesh!" cheeseburger demo slated to replace the usual Photoshop rendering race, hee-hee-ho. Plus, if you haven't heard already, Applelinks is going to have its own booth, #1540! Adobe isn't going to show up, but we are. THEY can't afford the fees? The least they could have done is think up a better excuse before they decided not to come. This is maximum lame. Quick, somebody invent a new pejorative...

More of the same
And speaking of pejoratives and blackouts, or more specifically a particular blackout that finally broke, there's one of those "well, DUH!" stories at SiliconValley.com. This is an excellent news site, by the way, the Web organ of the San Jose Mercury, even if it does concentrate too heavily for my tastes on the sordid business of, um , business... but looky here: "After the wild IPO ride, some say winnings rigged." Well, turn me upside down and plant a rose bush in my -- [oops, family site!] IPO winnings rigged?? Pshaw, well I never! Maybe not necessarily criminally, "oh-lookit-you-broke-the-letter-of-the-law" rigged, but "wink & a nudge" rigged. You know, like when the attorney general won't get you but God might. This time, though, the legal hounds are baying and they've got the scent. Oooh, this is exciting!

I could interject something here about how the infusion of zillions of dollars from Social Security into this arena isn't likely to stimulate a higher order of enlightened behavior on the part of those who know how things run, but that would just generate more flames. Now, if the government wants to invest in AAPL, that's another matter entirely. You'd think some redress of the monopolistic imbalance would require it, in fact. Either that or a mob with torches and pointy things (thanks, Jack! :-). In lieu of either, here's another great paragraph from Saturday's Dan Gillmore piece:

"In recent years, the financial wizards who helped launch the Internet bubble turned short-term thinking into an evil art form. After helping create a climate of no-lose gambling in financial markets, they shifted all risk onto the backs of the people with the least knowledge and the most to lose. If more than a few investment bankers and venture capitalists gave thought to the corrosive effect they would have on investors' trust in the long run, it wasn't obvious."

Hear, hear.

"Over the cliff!" you rascals...
That's much too polite, but I need to lighten things up a bit to throw the flamers off the track. See? I could have made reference to something like "mendacious, murdering, money-grubbing sons of Satan," but I just decided to go with a cave-man era metaphor instead, with an oblique tip o' the hat to T.S. Eliot. At least I think that's who I mean.

I have this wonderful image in my head just now of Microsoft Corporation, evil stock manipulators, and Latin America's worst enemies all tumbling headlong over a Paleolithic cliff like a bumbling, panicked herd of prehistoric pachyderms. Perhaps with a little luck and will power we can help turn the rampaging horror away from the manger and into the canyon. Granted, it 'll have to be a really big canyon, but out where I live there's plenty of room. Microsoft in particular is acting like a doomed, brain-sick behemoth these days, which both reaffirms the orientation of my own moral compass and raises my hopes for turning the stampede.

For one thing, the technology seems increasingly vulnerable and often just doesn't work. As I write this, the Microsoft instant messaging network has been crippled for several days. The horrors of dealing with burgeoning Microsoft security glitches have finally gotten the attention of the insurance industry, and Microsoft executives' attempted demonization of the open-source movement has exposed their essential intellectual and moral emptiness. But still the monster lurches forward! Help!!!

If people would just stop sending their dollars to Redmond (if not now, when?), we could cut off some of the animal's air supply and maybe get it groggy enough to head for the edge. I really do think there's something wrong with its brain, too. Just look at how the company has trumpeted its satisfaction with the federal appeals court's ruling overturning the breakup order. The appeals court did not say that a new judge couldn't order exactly the same punishment, you realize. While this isn't likely, it's still true that except for the browser bundling issue, the court agreed with Judge Jackson that Microsoft is guilty of a number of anti-competititve, monopolistic practices. For the hearing-impaired, that's "GUILTY!" It's only the punishment that has to be re-evaluated.

Look at it this way: if you're a lawyer for a company contracting with Microsoft for just about anything, you now know that you are dealing with a company guilty of being a monopolist! The courts will eventually issue directives for modifying the way the company does business in certain areas, but in the meantime you know you are dealing with the big "M" in more ways than one and you will be very, very careful. Microsoft does not seem to get it yet. The company has been labeled guilty, not exonerated, and yet they continue to ratchet up the pressure on all fronts, something I find akin to donning a Nazi uniform and soliciting donations from synagogues! (Now jump, you meshugga mammoths...) Sheesh!

Hooray for Apple!
Yes, we all bitch and whine about this and that, but our guys (and gals) wear white hats. OK, gray ones. But they try. At the very least I have the strongest possible impression that they really try to do the Right Thing most of the time, and for a corporation, those are damn good marks.

So go to Macworld Expo and feel like you're part of a really cool crowd, because you will be. Visit the Applelinks booth and say hello. See how many rabbits Steve Jobs can pull out of his hat this time. You know you're going to want one of those new, uh, one of those new -- oh, just go and see for yourselves! And while you're there, if you notice any evil-doers lingering near the precipice, give 'em a good swift kick and send them on their way...

History will thank you for it.

 ("Grack!")

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr hopes that all you FARR SITE fans who've read everything in the Applelinks FS archives know that the column is alive and well elsewhere (you can even sign up for the Farr Site News by clicking HERE and sending a blank email). For some reason he also offers a daily New Mexico image for your viewing pleasure and doesn't charge anything yet. Would this even be legal in Redmond?!

* Well, it has been a while since I last saw a M.A.S.H. episode! Here's what one of you has to say:

"Never said horse-hockey. I challenge you to find even one episode where he did. The proper phrase, if memory serves, is, 'horse-puckey.' Of course, memory might not serve... :)"
 

* * * * * * * * *

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The Column That
Shot Liberty Valance

July 2 "A Few Days in the Life"
June 25 "
Taking Stock (Gulp)"
June 18 "
Mildly Famous"
June 11 "
Money Hunt"
June 4: "
Everything is All Wrong"
May 28: "
It's a Tough Job, All Right"
May 21: "
The End of Pretense"
May 14: "
iBook and Windows in MD"
May 7: "
Compulsory Atomic iBook?"
April 30: "
Upgrade Imperative"
April 23: "
Trouble Ahead, Trouble Behind"
April 16: "
Anywhere But the Floor"
April 9: "
Taxes, Tactics, and Throwbacks"
April 2: "
Seven Digital Days"
March 26: "
Not About OS X"
March 19: "
The Nature of the Beast"
March 12: "
Fake 'Crusade' Noted & Stomped"
March 5: "
The Week That MacWas"
February 26: "
Make Love, Not War!"
February 19: "
Barefoot Titanium Blues..."

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

DESIGN CREDIT: GRACK! byline graphic by Bob Farr.

"GRACK!" is © copyright 2001, John H. Farr, all rights reserved

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