July 23, 2001

Un dia la vez...

More Mac cannibal medicine
Oh phooey! Looks like I already used all my good lines in earlier commentaries about Mac writers beating up on Apple because they don't have any new toys to play with. But if I see another headline about "failure," "disappointment," or anything close, I just might be motivated to invent a few more! In the meantime, for anyone still tempted to spend valuable life-hours (tick, tick, tick...) moaning about being let down by Apple, here are a few points to consider:

1. The latest Power Macintosh desktop models are the fastest, most powerful, and best-looking Macs ever! The mid-range model even costs a thousand bucks less...

2. The upgraded iMacs are the fastest, most powerful, best-equipped all-in-one Macintosh computers I've ever seen. And as far as the "outdated" design is concerned, all I can say is: "What, are you NUTS?!" I'd like to see anyone else wrap a case around a 15" CRT monitor with computer and do a better job. Some things are just perfect, like a raindrop. You may be tired of it, but Apple still sells hundreds of thousands of 'em, mostly to new users and school systems (do the math). I still want one myself. If Steve doesn't keep at least one "classic" model iMac around after the inevitable revision to come, I'll be one unhappy camper.

3. OS X 10.1 isn't quite ready, hence not yet available. Live with it. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Unless the CEO was demonstrating the OS on God's Own Computer, 10.1 will run fast as blazes and be worth waiting for.

4. The company didn't make as much money this last quarter as the same quarter last year, but sixty-plus million dollars ain't chump change. How much do you have?

5."Boo-ho, no Apple handheld." So what, shut up and drive! Get a life! Find a simpatico human being and hold his or her hand... you need another gadget like I need another birthday. Geez!

WE were there...
The word from Applelinks publisher/webmaster Joe Ryan is that "it all went well." He's referring our first-ever experience with a genuine Macworld Expo Applelinks booth! I haven't heard who won the iMac yet, but I'll bet the winner has already gotten the happy email. Yes friends, Applelinks.com was there. Macworld Magazine and MacCentral were not, at least not on the show floor (I heard they were holed up in a conference room somewhere). Advertisers, take note!

Applelinks may not be perfect yet, but we care about our readers and wanted to make a statement by committing to a physical presence at Macworld Expo. I hope you had a chance to drop by and meet some of the staff. If everything goes well, I'll be there to shake your hands next time. Hey guys, any iClocks left?

Keynote afterthoughts
Apple Computer still has heights of perfection to reach also. Regarding the keynote, get more FEMALES up there! (Yes, there was one.) The endless parade of balding males in dull, ugly shirts almost made me grateful I couldn't see the whole thing. This is so boring and ridiculous. If there are actual women who work for these companies, why don't they do more demos? I like women... The last time I attended an Expo, there were plenty of women in the keynote audience, on the show floor, and everywhere else, except, that is, on the keynote stage. At the very least, guys, CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES! If I see another pastel polo shirt, I'm going to run screaming down the road... Where are the wild & crazy colors? Where are the flashy, fun outfits? Where's the STYLE? Get hip! Wear hats, do something. Live a little, please. Make me happy to be a member of the club, not wonder if I've wandered into the wrong lodge hall. There are plenty of cool guys and gals on the show floor. At least have some of them stand up there with you next time.

OK, this is corporate culture stuff. But Lordy, doesn't it also speak volumes about what's WRONG with corporate culture?!

My wife listened to the 20-second snippets of audio that came through the reluctant QuickTime webcast and remarked afterwards that the male voices she heard all sounded "scared." Maybe Steve Jobs' strength doesn't lie in the master of ceremonies category, hmm? :-) Hell, I'd have been scared too. But wouldn't it be neat it Steve had a button to push that would open a trap door under a stammering exec and drop him or her into a storm drain? He could do the Roman emperor thing and respond to audience reaction. Thumbs up? Thumbs down?

I'd have used the button on the Microsoft guy. When he crowed that Redmond had Aquafied all 800+ DIALOG WINDOWS in the OS X version of Office, I thought "OK, that's it -- the HOOK!" Eight hundred silly dialog windows is something to beg forgiveness and do penance for, not boast about. Mac Publishing LLC, I note parenthetically, was certainly toeing the line to give this Unix bloatware a Best of Macworld award. Well, I ain't buyin' it. Unless, as I wrote yesterday, it comes with a genuine Bill Gates body part attached. It doesn't matter which, just so we get all of him before the cloning begins.

Hitting the road
Meanwhile, back in beautiful San Cristobal, New Mexico, the "city people" are coming. Our rented adobe and its accompanying 12 acres have been sold to a Harvard-educated structural engineer from Washington, D.C. He's sold his family's condo in Telluride -- which I predict he will miss the first time the power goes out or the well runs dry -- and opted for the chaotic, idiosnycratic, unpredictable world of northern New Mexico. The thing is, showing up a couple times a year isn't enough. I doubt they'll ever wake up after a blizzard to find the neighbor's bull leaning against the bedroom window like we did once. They probably won't live here long enough to come home late at night and see a herd of elk stampede across the road, either. But I wish them well.

We're moving to town for a while (Taos), which will bring us into intimate contact with a different kind of wildlife: tourists! My only question so far is, what marketing genius persuaded Middle America to wear fanny packs when leaving home? I mean, put a fanny pack (which most people wear on their bellies) on a typical American body and the effect is to emphasize an even BIGGER American body. Why not just wear old-fashioned prison stripes and clown shoes? Oh well.

But this is Taos, and that means nothing is certain. Our next house may or may not be ready for occupancy a month from now, so we're off to sponge off maternal largesse for a month. In Tucson, Arizona...yes, in August... hey, free is free -- and I haven't seen Mom in quite a while. The next few columns will be coming to you from the Sonoran Desert, which is actually quite an amazing place. Living that long with just the iBook would be taxing, so I'm packing the 8600 into the back of a pickup truck and taking my whole system to Tucson (there isn't room for it in the storage unit anyway).

And now (gulp), it's Teardown Time...

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr hates to move but hopes it'll all be worth it. Meanwhile, all you FARR SITE fans who've read everything in the Applelinks FS archives should know that the column can be read at the ZOOZONE (you can even sign up for the Farr Site News by clicking here and sending a blank email).

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