June 18, 2001

Hey, c'mon, stop pulling my leg...

A case of mistaken identity?
They must have me confused with somebody else, I thought, when I got the first email from these folks. But no, the editor really wanted an interview:

"The goal of our interviews is to showcase the interviewee and company and give our readers (webmasters and small business or corporate executives and managers, as relevant) the wonderful opportunity to benefit from the insight, experience, advice and sage wisdom of our interviewees. We feature interviews with corporate managers, webmasters, marketers and visionary e-commerce individuals."

Not only was the email properly addressed, it also said that I was to be interviewed "in regard to your column Grack and Appelinks.com." Gulp! I looked again, and then a third time, to make sure this wasn't an email from a law firm about to sue me. No sir, it was legit. I went to the Web site and looked around: there was a picture of a guy wearing a suit and tie! Would I have to -- naw, no way. Anyhow, I'll be receiving a dozen questions via email and the interview should be posted in the next few weeks, just in time for [extended drum roll and trumpet fanfare] --

Macworld Expo! (tah-dah!)
Is that a good sign or what?! What's more, Applelinks is going to have its own booth at Macworld. You heard me, # 1540. This is the coolest thing since Abercrombie married Fitch. I mean, we THERE, y'all! And it's going to be Give-away City. We'll have T-shirts, cool new iClocks, and even a brand-new iMac for you to win. The clocks are for sale, too, right here and now at Applelinks. I don't know much about the clock except that I want one (looks like a miniature iMac), but I can definitely expound on the subject of the marvelous Applelinks booth (#1540), a destination of choice for everyone at Macworld.

All the Applelinks editors, writers, caterers, and limo drivers who can make it to New York will be on hand to -- what's that? We don't have a caterer, and no limos, either? Aw, geez. Well, don't worry: there'll be a whole bunch of Applelinks people for you to meet. We'll have an AirPort Internet connection right there in the booth and finally be able to do the show in style. Say, I wonder if everyone will have an AirPort hookup? I'll bet they might. I'll bet there'll be AirPort all over Javits Center. This opens up all kinds of possibilities, so be sure to stop by the Applelinks booth and see what's going on.

As for me, well, I just don't know yet. I'm going to get my press pass and be ready, but events are conspiring against me. You see, this beautiful place we live in -- see below -- has just been sold out from under us! (That's the love of my life in the center of the picture. SHE hasn't been sold yet, thank God.)

 The thing is, we have to be out of here (there) by the third week of July and we don't have another place yet. Well, we do, in a way, and more about that later, but you have to understand that finding a place to rent in Taos, New Mexico is like snagging a taxi in the Big Apple: they're all over the damn place, but actually getting yourself into one isn't always easy, and when you do, well...

Northern New Mexico housing explained
I hardly know where to start, actually. Can you spell "Third World"? That will give you a clue. The thing is, this part of the country has been poor but proud, fiercely proud, for over 400 years. New Mexico hasn't even been a state for a century yet, and they do things differently down here. There aren't as many pesky little laws, for example, and what ones there are aren't exactly enforced with vigor, if you know what I mean. Take housing (please!): in most states you can't legally sell or rent a residence that doesn't have a functioning water system. Well, a couple of months ago we looked at a house for sale for $125K that had NO functioning water system. Maybe that's not fair -- it had a "system," just no water, and no way to get any, either (don't ask). I bitched to a longtime local resident and journalist who responded thusly:

"John, as I tell most newcomers, who have lived here ten years or less, 'It's worse than you think.'"

When you look in the local paper, you'll see scads of places for rent. We did just that before we came out here. SCADS! -- only 90 percent of them are places your mother would faint at the sight of. Why is this so, you probably wonder. Why aren't there some kind of minimal standards, you ask. Well, there most likely are standards, this being the U.S. of A., but if the laws were enforced, a substantial portion of the population would be out on the streets! Better a hovel than homelessness, in other words. For people like us, rather more used to places with roofs that don't need to be weighted down with used tires to keep from blowing away, a housing search is a lengthy quest. Not impossible, just lengthy. I talked to someone the other day who said she checked out 35 rentals in 2 weeks before she found a suitable place! Our search isn't proceeding at that vicious a pace, but we're looking. And we may have found a spot. (Just a minute.)

What does this have to do with Macs?
Plenty, actually. Getting ourselves settled in somewhere at the same time as the New York Expo is a real pain in the modem, let me tell you. And what if the place we have in mind might not quite be vacant when we need it, hmm? That's the story: it could turn out that we have to hit the road for a week or two while we wait. The place we're hoping to move to is in town, not up in the mountains, and looks like this:

Now who wouldn't wait for such a deal? It's small inside, almost too small really, but nice: Mother wouldn't faint. She might not have a place to sit down, but she wouldn't faint. And here's the rest of the Mac angle: if you read last week's GRACK! (and you certainly should have), you'll remember that I've started a modest little Web site biz (the stories I could already tell about THAT, and I haven't yet made a cent). It turns out there that my journalist buddy quoted above is moving into a new office with a certain graphics pro who just happens to own the place pictured above --are you taking all this down? -- and there may be room for me and my PowerMac 8600. In case you haven't put the pieces together yet: if the office deal goes through, I won't need to set up my system in this adorable tiny place, and my wife and I just might fit. Why, we can even have a table to eat on instead of a computer desk and plates on our laps! The mind reels.

So here's the kicker: the office is only a block away from the house! Get it?? Hell yes, I'll pass up Macworld to put this thing together, to have a home for us and my Mac. We can use the iBook and AirPort in the adobe, and -- oops, wait a minute. SHE uses the iBook. Um. . . you know what that means, don't you? If I don't want to walk across the road to get to the 8600 at night, when we both want to be online at the same time, we'll just have to get another laptop! Aw, geez:

"Please don't throw me in dat briar patch!"

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr welcomes your comments. If you're shy, just visit the Applelinks MacBoards. There's a new FARR SITE column at the ZOOZONE, too (you can sign up for the Farr Site News by clicking HERE and sending a blank email). Don't forget, the ZOOZONE always features a really cool daily New Mexico image. Knock yourself out.

The new GRACK! Update mailing list is now operational (I think). To receive your own weekly notice of new column postings with synopsis, URL, and maybe a free lollipop (working on it), just CLICK HERE and send a blank email.

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

DESIGN CREDIT: GRACK! byline graphic by Bob Farr. Yep, that's my brother.