Cool Mac Gear

Aching for Armageddon?
What a week, geez. I only hope this one's better, I really do. I especially hope that between this and the next GRACK! we don't have to deal with a stinking radioactive crater where India and Pakistan used to be. That would make talk of who's using OS X pretty small potatoes, I should think, as well as throw one helluva big wrench into everyone's retirement plans. There seem to be some in Washington who actually hope the lid blows off, like they're yearning for a "test" to see if fighting wars with A-bombs actually hurts the market for $8,000 custom backyard grills all that much. "A-bombs don't kill people, people kill people," I suppose.

But why have these things anywhere on the planet? We don't keep a loaded pistol in Junior's bedroom, or do we? Heck, just get rid of 'em all. Stuff the evil things down dry holes and let the locals turn it into a tourist attraction. "Glowing Wells,Texas"... There's a hit movie out now about Baltimore getting nuked. You might not miss Baltimore if it blew, but I assure you thousands of us would. Have you ever seen the Chesapeake Bay? I've never been to India, poor me. Have you? We'd better hurry. Will you be just as anxious to visit MWNY if Bombay is blackened? This stuff is relevant to the Mac Web, I swear. Everyone who thinks 10-20 million dead on the Indian subcontinent will lift the market and bring Mac sites more advertisers, raise your hands.

I hate being "number one," too. I hate us being the "only superpower." The bigger we are, the bigger the bulls-eye.There's only one way for world empires to go, and that's down, like unbeaten football teams. Name one king, one country, one company, one army, one top dog of anything that never got its comeuppance from the immutable cycle of natural law. If we had any sense, we'd just shut up and let somebody else reap the karmic whirlwind. (They don't know that in Redmond yet either, but just wait.)

Caveat author
Meanwhile, back on the Web during my lousy week, I finally decided to do some research on the "literary agency" that was supposed to be reading my manuscript. (Some of the material in the book I submitted comes from early FARR SITE columns here at Applelinks, so this is relevant too.) All it took to get a big kick in the butt was a simple Google search, duh. According to one of the numerous postings on the subject, the agency in question accepts virtually all manuscripts -- some people even sent in ridiculous made-up submissions just as a test. The excited would-be authors all get contracts but also have to pay money up front for things like database inclusion -- copying a digital file -- and "technology charges." This is not illegal, I hasten to add (you can ask people to pay for your having to open their envelopes if you want) but I assure you it is highly unethical. Real agents make money from selling the work, not from taking checks from clients. Yes, the firm does appear to have at least a few actual clients, but no one you have likely heard of.Very shaky! As soon as I discovered what was going on, I pulled the plug.

One revealing bit of evidence I should have noticed earlier is that the agency supposedly only deals in electronic submissions, yet displayed on their Web site is a picture of someone with a huge stack of paper manuscripts. The image is supposed to impress the visitor with how many submissions the agency receives, how hard they work, how professional they are, and so forth. I did wonder why no one answered my emailed questions about whether they were using Macs or PCs, so I could deal with attachment issues. For a supposedly hip Internet-savvy operation, there were disquieting lapses in technical know-how, as well as odd contradictions on the company's Web site that should have rung a bell. My webmaster brother in Texas noticed. My cousin in Florida noticed. Me, I was working on my talk show interview questions.

Denial is a slippery eel of a thing to get your hands on. I was so happy to get my foot in the door, I decided to borrow ten grand and write like a fiend all summer on the strength of a professional evaluation that wasn't! But fate is even harder to pin down: I figure the close call with these bozos at least pushed me to finish the manuscript, gave me a strong taste of what partial success actually feels like, took care of my short-term bills, and taught me an early lesson so I won't get tripped up when even more is at stake. But dang, these guys play rough. Be careful!

Blessed antidote
After all that and getting ready to duck & cover besides, I was in a mood for a little pick-me-up. As you can see from the pictures on this page, I found it, hah! For reasons beyond my comprehension, there's a Brazilian cultural association of some kind in this town, and today they held a big party on the Plaza. I'd read about it earlier in the week and then forgotten, but when I heard the drums from our apartment about 4 blocks away, I decided to walk down and have a look.

Was I ever surprised, hoo-boy! Hundreds of people shaking their hips and slapping their feet on the dusty flagstones! I haven't seen so much joy, pulchritude, and and general uninhibited carrying-on since, um, since... well, in a long darned time. I LOVED IT! Why, if Macworld Expos were anything like this, I might actually stop waxing sarcastic. The music came from a humongous percussion ensemble consisting of half the population of El Rito-Latir (look through this spring's FotoFeed images to find shots of that location), and they were very good. I doubt there was a Brazilian in the bunch, but who cares? It made me want to chuck sitting behind this computer for going outside to beat on a drum all day, I can tell you that. Screw this gig! If Kashmir blows, I'm going to find out where these people hang out and go live with them.

Have a great week, pray for peace, and vaya con Dios, y'all.

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr has linked all the writing he's ever done at JHFarr.com. If you like photos, Fotofeed is pretty cool. New Mexico Magazine thought both of these worthy of adding to their link index, so go see what the fuss is all about.

GRACK Update List

The new GRACK! Update mailing list is now operational. To receive your own weekly notice of new column postings, just CLICK HERE and send a blank email.

May 27: "I Went on a Trip to Mingus" May 20: "Creative Procrastination" May 13: "It's Ten O'clock!" May 6: "Sagebrush Saga" Apr. 29 "Universe of Lies" Apr. 22: "Earth Day All the Time" Apr. 15: "Oh, THOSE Taxes!" Apr. 8: "Turn Left at the Llamas" Apr. 1: "April Drool" Mar. 25: "Tuzas on the Curb" Mar. 18: "Holy Ghostbeak" Mar. 11: "Lord of the Turkeys" Mar. 4: "The Heart of the Matter" Feb. 25: "New Stuff: Browsers, Servers, etc." Feb. 18: "Mascot Lore & More" Feb. 11: "Killer Email & Wiccan PotLuck" Feb. 4: "Meanies, Guerillas, & Subscription Copycats" Jan. 28: "Full Moon Frenzy, w/ PowerMacs" Jan. 21: "iMacs & Webmaster Schadenfreude" Jan. 14: "Was It Only a Week Ago?" Jan. 7: "Useless Column" Dec. 31, '01: "I Want a Refund"

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

Cool Mac Gear