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Probably a good thing
Well, I'm at it again. Thinking, that is, or trying to. A wise person pointed out to me recently that once you know why you do certain things, you can't go back, i.e. you'll never be able to hide from yourself again in the same old way. In other words, if you ever do climb out of your rut and take a look around, jumping back in won't feel as comfy as it did before. ("Aw, shoot!") If it did, you wouldn't be human.

Some of you may have noticed that this is also the point of the story of the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. Once they'd tasted the forbidden fruit (knowledge!), they couldn't just lay back and let figs fall into their mouths. Maybe there was something better than figs just over the hill, after all. Being omniscient, the Lord saw this coming, of course, but still couldn't resist letting loose with something like, "YEE-HAW, LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" Then off they went to make more choices (now that they could, you see). A little self-knowledge is a dangerous thing, however, which is why it's been a case of grow or die ever since.

I imagine that like the rest of us, Adam and Eve wasted a lot of time grousing about their changed circumstances when they found themselves out in the cold. The thing is, once you finally leave the rut, you're in the UN-known, a realm of horror and delight. It might be scary, but there are unforeseen benefits as well:

Adam: "Gee, I wish I were dumb as a post again!"

Eve: "What's a 'post'? Oh, who cares. I'm starving."

Adam: "What's 'starving'? Oh, never mind. Hey, lookit this!"

Eve: "Ooohhh! What's THAT for?"

By the time they figured this out, there was no going back to cloning from ribs. See what I mean?

How to write a Mac column
Anyone with the perspicacity of a stunned toad can take it from here. Out of the Garden of 9 into the Valley of X, etc., except that instead of an almighty, all-knowing, all-powerful god casting you out, imagine Steve Jobs! Er, wait a minute. That didn't come out quite right. Oh well, just dive in.

Meanwhile, the funniest thing to happen this past week was a Merrill Lynch analyst named Fortuna claiming that "radiation problems" were slowing down iMac production in Taiwan. Hah! As I write this, I'm sitting in front of a 17-inch Sony monitor that's searing my retinas with a steady blast of electrons, photons, gamma rays, and God knows what else. ("Radiation problems," indeed.) I just watched the X-files, by the way. Our apartment is wired throughout for cable, but I've never paid, so we don't get the service. But I found that I could put the TV anywhere in the house, set the tuner for "cable," and pick up cable channels through the rabbit-ear antenna! Not all of them, but most major networks and PBS. Oh, I got radiation, all right. ALL OF YOU do, too: we're living in a roiling electromagnetic SEA of radiation. My AirPort base station hangs on the wall 6 feet from where I'm sitting, broadcasting 24 hours a day. Two cordless phones do the same thing. There are magnetic fields from the domestic electrical wiring, spinning hard drives, and rocks in the ground. As if that isn't enough, there's enough psychic energy here to blow the wax out of your ears just by thinking about it. I'm not saying this is all a great thing, but heck, if that Fortuna guy had any sense, he'd pay someone to snatch a glow-in-the-dark iMac out of the crusher in Taipei and ship it to him so he could sell it on eBay.

If there's a point to all this, it may be that none of us is about to change the way we live or turn down a digital hub with a half-life until we get the hell out of Dodge,wake up and leave the garden, if you will. ("Oh, so that's why all the neighbors died!")

Golf courses and evil monkeys from space
Here in New Mexico the big problem is water, or the lack of it. The astonishing thing is that resort developers still building golf courses can get along without bodyguards, though that could change soon. Even the Indians (who ought to know better) are getting into the act: Pojoaque Pueblo is hot to put in TWO new golf courses for its expanding casino development. None of this looks promising by way of forcing awareness through disaster, because the powers that be in Albuquerque and Santa Fe have figured a way to hold off the inevitable. Since municipal wells are going dry and the Rio Grande is way down, there's a big project underway to go up north into Colorado and pump the river water out before it has a chance to disappear...

It's entirely possible, however, that the Pojoaque elders and the water bureaucrats downstate are victims of the same mass kidnapping and impersonation that has lately taken over the federal government. Only an invasion of alien monkeys (in suits) can explain why we've (un)declared war on the whole world to make us feel safer, given rich guys all the money to help poor folks prosper, or made Microsoft a monopoly to encourage competition. If these things weren't hilarious, they'd be awfully disturbing! Good thing I have a sense of humor.

But maybe this is a sign, all of this. Maybe we're supposed to laugh our way to enlightenment. ("Hee.Ha. Ho-ho. Heh. Heh.") Hey, you can do better than that!

Here, have an apple...

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr lives for fresh buffalo burgers and bio-regional bread. No, really!

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Feb. 25 "New Stuff: Browsers, Servers, etc." Feb. 18 "Mascot Lore & More" Feb. 11 "Killer Email & Wiccan PotLuck" Feb. 4 "Meanies, Guerillas, & Subscription Copycats" Jan. 28: "Full Moon Frenzy, w/ PowerMacs" Jan. 21: "iMacs & Webmaster Schadenfreude" Jan. 14: "Was It Only a Week Ago?" Jan. 7: "Useless Column" Dec. 31, '01: "I Want a Refund"

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

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