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The law enforcement we deserve?
Maybe now they'll believe me, the few who'd rather not have the occasional mention of politics in this Mac column, when appropriate of course. The fact is, as the the opening metaphor may attest, that politics is at least as relevant to Macs as gravity is to small babies -- most of the time it holds them in their cribs and nobody cares, but dangle one outside the window by his fat little foot and see what happens!

One of the presidential candidates in 2000, known to favor a settlement with Microsoft, eventually found himself in the Oval Office and quickly tapped a Microsoft-friendly gent to head the Justice Department's antitrust division. I may have mentioned this before. I do remember that a short while ago, we had huge budget surpluses stretching to the horizon and enough cash to fix Medicare, Social Security, and every stick of public infrastructure in the country. Now the economy's in the crapper, we're stuck in a jidad, and MICROSOFT GETS A SLAP ON THE WRIST! Erk. Oop. Ack.

Osama ou non, most of the first two can't be pinned on anyone. The third one though, that's in the eye of the beholder too but still has an obvious tilt to it. All of these issues are heavily influenced by politics, and the last one can't possibly make life easier for us market share minorities. It's like a very, very big dog has mauled half the people in the neighborhood (boyfriend, girlfriend, granny, baby brother, etc.) and the authorities refuse to put him down. So what can we do? Well, for starters:

[Wow! Isn't hyptertext great? Can you imagine those big red letters in a newspaper?! Of course not. This is one of the things that got me hooked on this stuff. Click here, click there -- WHOA! I love it.]

Wrath of God riff
As if I had any connection with the Almighty other than the universal provenance of humankind. But is this what we're relying on? - not that there's anything wrong with that, I hasten to say. Remember how hopeless things were toward the end of H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds, and then the Martians just got sick and died? That would work. (Can software catch a disease? Um... but watch out! Hackers can be declared terrorists and that's all she wrote. By the time you get out, you'll be as old as me, hahaha.)

The problem could be that the Creator has been bought. This remarkably unsettling proposition is suggested by the existence of such things as the Gates Foundation and the fact that volcanoes have not erupted in Redmond. I have been advised by those who know Her that I am already in trouble for even suggesting this but I thought I should put the word out anyway. Someone should investigate. The way things are going, pretty soon our 1040s will have a box for "Windows™ tax." If we don't pay right away, they'll know! -- and cut off our electricity.

I came across an item in the Albuquerque Journal that oddly resonated with the Microsoft saga. (It might not mean anything to you, but I did say "oddly.") Here it is: under the headline, "Taos Manager Charges Sheriff's Son Got Special Treatment," Taos County Sheriff Charlies Martinez is quoted thusly:

"Every time Jeff is in jail they raise the issue of favoritism. What favors is he getting? He's in jail. If he is getting any favorable treatment, it is not from me."

I am not making this up
Macs are only obliquely involved in this amazingly timely tidbit, but a long time ago I wrote a song called the "Anthrax Boogie." I recorded a demo version back in the 80's and used our old original Macintosh and printer to make cassette labels, posters, and assorted promotional materials for all the stuff I sent out. Anyway, the song is mine, it's copyrighted, and I really did write it way back then. A wail of metaphysical distress with a beat (several, actually), it has nothing to do with anthrax except in an art sense.

But here's the thing: a few months ago I finally got around to converting some analog tape recordings to MP3s -- using my trusty 8600 -- and put a few on the air here. Earlier this year I had them in a GRACK! column. Visit the first link to use the Anthrax Boogie MP3 player, or just drag this link to your desktop and download it directly (1.4MB).

The only verse is as good a way as any to bring the past week to a close and begin the new, so here it is. Live long and prosper, and tell 'em Groucho sent you:

"If I'da known it was the anthrax boogie,
never woulda come;
if I'da known it was the anthrax boogie,
and I'd have to get my washin' done;
if I'da known it was the anthrax boogie,
and I'd be the ONLY one...
Anthrax!
Anthrax!
Anthrax!"

© John H. Farr, 2001

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr's karmic debt isn't anywhere near as big as you-know-whose, but that doesn't mean he can sit back and let the good times roll. (Just ask his wife.) Time's a wastin'!

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AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

DESIGN CREDIT: GRACK! byline graphic by Bob Farr.