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Party Like It's 1499
Microsoft & the Wizards of Doom

November 4, 2002

(One more time bravely into the fray) 

Here come da fudge
Gee, don't you just miss ol' "Cut 'Em in Two" Jackson? The new judge takes half a year to come up with nothing, is that a hard job or what? We get along fine without a monopoly in cars, telephones, TVs, or greasyfreaking BURGERDOODLES, but we have to have a monopoly in operating systems so we won't stifle "innovation"?! Egad!

[Insert kazoo improvisation here]

It's the 21st century, but how would we know? Everywhere you turn are tottering leviathans on Viagra who think they've entered the Kingdom of Halliburton. Redmond invents electricity, water, and air. Hollywood thinks it can sell more music by making it harder to play. Democrats say voting for war is working for peace. Ashcroft is positive embryos vote Republican and Krauthammer's for nuking the French. Pretty soon we'll have debtors' prisons and burn slackers at the stake, assuming we can find any trees. I've said before that this gang is way beyond satire, but I wish they wouldn't keep proving me right.

Personally, I'd take diversity, ferment, and growth over sameness, suppression, and death, but then I'm strange. (You can tell from the computer I'm typing this on: it's one of those other ones.) However, take heart, innocents: it's all going to get better sooner than you think. Just don't be taking a nap in the shade of El Bloato when its ticker gives out. See, the good thing about Redmond über alles and all the rest is that they get to fulfill their ultimate destiny as dinosaurs on dope, and we all get to go home sooner. I think.

Let yer little light shine
I've been feeling rather mortal lately and wonder who's gonna miss me when I'm gone -- 50 or 60 years from now, of course -- and the question occurs to me: immediate family aside, are enough tears shed at a monopolist's funeral to fill a thimble?

When I think about the people, the cultures, the institutions that have come and gone, the ones that come to mind the easiest are the ones I miss the most. I do not particularly miss Adolf Hitler, segregation, or the Vietnam war, to cite a few reverse examples. I very much regret the passing of my father-in-law, Buddy Holly, Martin Luther King, Milton Berle, clean water & air, affordable health care, and little kids being allowed to ride their bikes without those stupid helmets. Give me a minute and I'll think of a thousand more, and what they'll all have in common is that they contributed to the overall amount of love and joy in the universe...

That may seem like a consolation prize, to be remembered with a lump in the throat, but don't forget you can't take it with you, 'cause when you're dead, you're dead -- unless someone thinks of you fondly and turns on the light. All the conniving dominators of this or that -- be it operating systems, religion, petroleum reserves, or conventional wisdom -- will end up masters of nothing if they don't lift your spirits, choke you up, or make your heart go pitty-pat. Microsoft will be like Standard Oil or the Austro-Hungarian Empire, bleah, who cares. (In the meantime they'll make your life miserable, put you out of business, and corrupt the political process beyond all imagining, but sorry, that's the best I can do.)

First things last: Read FarrFeed or wish you had!
And now for something completely different. It occurs to me that some of you might be interested in what goes on at FarrFeed, my Weblog at Salon.com. Then again, perhaps you 'd rather not know the gory details, in the same way you purposely never think about your grandparents having sex. Hey, I understand, but watching your resident Mac weirdo spill his guts in primetime is at least as much fun as slowing down for a wreck on the highway. It's a specialty of mine, you know, and FarrFeed is the only online writing I produce with page-read rankings that anyone can access. Don't forget the referer page, either: it's amazing how many viewers come from Web searches, for example. (Hmm. I just had a very naughty idea...)

Even your mother knows what blogging is these days, so I don't need to explain. And since this is one of the few areas of the Interent not currently suppressed or co-opted, I think it's important. Of course, what amounts in many cases to a stream-of-consciousness journal in the sky can try your patience. Even at Salon, there's a lot of, "my girlfriend/boyfriend is a Nazi nudist" kind of crap. From reading the titles, you'd think everyone's a comic (ick!), a pundit (ack!), or a sly pornographer (ook!). But we're trying.

What I'm using the bandwidth for is all of the above except with pictures and more devious motives. I've been know to post quick & dirty photo-essays, carefully crafted outpourings of my (eww) innermost thoughts, an occasional rant , and even subtle messages to people I hope are checking in. Some items are excerpts from current writing projects, others are brand-new essays I might collect later for publication, and some are downright pitiful things I should never have posted in public. That's the beauty of blogging, as well as the reason it's a fit subject for Doonesbury. The point of all this is achieving critical mass (duh!) so I can buy new underwear at Wal-Mart and maybe a big loud motorcycle to take orphans for rides on.

Click early and often, you'll be glad you did.

"Grack!"

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr invites your comments. While you're at it, visit FOTOFEED.COM for a major treat.

Buy BUFFALO LIGHTS ebook! This is the real deal about life in northern New Mexico, folks. See reader comments, order info, read reviews here.

 
GRACK Update List PHASE-OUT!

GRACK! updates will now be included in the all-new FARR SITE NEWS newslist. To join up, just CLICK HERE and send a blank email.

GRACK! 2001 archives are HERE.
(Current year's columns just below) 

Oct. 28: "Splitting Wood & Hard Drives"
Oct. 21: "
Second Time's a Charm"
Oct. 14: "
Wombat Ramble"
Oct. 7: "
Animal Action"
Sept. 30: "
Monday Mood-Shot"
Sept. 23: "
Vacas in the Valle"
Sept. 16: "
Great Ebook Rollout"
Sept. 9: "
Hanging In & Hanging Out"
Sept. 2: "
Bubble, Trouble, Toil, & Livestock"
Aug. 26 "
Digital Video in el Norte"
Aug. 19: "
Vitamins for the Soul"
Aug. 12: "
PowerSuck G12 MP Killumded"
Aug. 5: "
Sublimity of the Mundane"
July 29: "
Sweating It Out"
July 22: "
Keynotes & Kittycats"
July 15: "
Weird Week in Store"
July 8: "
Beauty Treatment"
July 1: "
Quantum Warriors"
June 24: "
Wait, I'm Not Done Yet!"
June 17: "
Magnum Mysterium"
June 10 "
Six Weeks Before the Mast"
June 3: "
Hair, Skin, and Bare Feet"
May 27: "
I Went on a Trip to Mingus"
May 20: "
Creative Procrastination"
May 13: "
It's Ten O'clock!"
May 6: "
Sagebrush Saga"
Apr. 29 "
Universe of Lies"
Apr. 22: "
Earth Day All the Time"
Apr. 15: "
Oh, THOSE Taxes!"
Apr. 8: "
Turn Left at the Llamas"
Apr. 1: "
April Drool"
Mar. 25: "
Tuzas on the Curb"
Mar. 18: "
Holy Ghostbeak"
Mar. 11: "
Lord of the Turkeys"
Mar. 4: "
The Heart of the Matter"
Feb. 25: "
New Stuff: Browsers, Servers, etc."
Feb. 18: "
Mascot Lore & More"
Feb. 11: "
Killer Email & Wiccan PotLuck"
Feb. 4: "
Meanies, Guerillas, & Subscription Copycats"
Jan. 28: "
Full Moon Frenzy, w/ PowerMacs"
Jan. 21: "
iMacs & Webmaster Schadenfreude"
Jan. 14: "
Was It Only a Week Ago?"
Jan. 7: "
Useless Column"
Dec. 31, '01: "
I Want a Refund"

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

DESIGN CREDIT: GRACK! byline graphic by Bob Farr.

"GRACK!" is © copyright 2002, John H. Farr, all rights reserved

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