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No, Not Spam At least one raging insight, maybe two... No
more coding for YOU! But a few weeks ago I was working on this column, cat in lap, when all of a sudden the HTML went all to hell. That is to say, I didn't know what was going on. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen, with everything on the page twitching and shifting. The image I was trying to position kept trying to escape, and i thought the 8600 was melting down before my very eyes. As quickly as I could, I hit command-S, then forced a restart. Wow! But my amazement at the Mac's willingness to reboot and the fact that suddenly everything worked fine were nothing compared to how I felt the next night watching the "Phantom Typist."  I was writing an email message. Suddenly a line of ones starting marching across the message window! My hands weren't even on the keys, but somehow half a dozen lines of ones filled in across the screen, then stopped. I kept on going. A few minutes later, the same thing happened, only zeros this time. Holy -- hey, wait a minute. Holy HOBBES, that's what! The little bastard was lying in my lap, but his chin was on the number keys, the ones I never use on the right side of the keyboard. I pulled his head back, and the zeros stopped. Ohforgodssake, typing with his chin. That would explain the ones, too. And the previous night's madness? That would have been the cat's chin resting intermittently on the arrow keys, oh yeah. Stupid cat. Absence
of the lambs  The Taos Wool Festival is a dandy event, however. People come from everywhere, but mostly New Mexico and Colorado. That's where the woolies live, after all, and if you looked like that you'd want to live where the humidity was low, too. All the animals in these pictures are for sale for breeding purposes (I hope). Besides the livestock producers, there are the yarn sellers, weavers, handbag makers, and shearling slipper salesfolks. It's one helluva show and I can't believe I've gone a whole other paragraph without dropping some more cute, so here goes.  This one was ready to climb out of its pen and follow me home, and that's just what could happen to you guys if you have any sense at all. What am I talking about? Well now, think. Who weaves? Who knits? Who wears big wool scarves? Who looooves to look at animals like these? For that matter, who mostly raises them? Finally, who goes to "wool festivals"? THINK! But yes, it's true. I swear to God, this is better than the produce department at an organic supermarket. If you're a reasonably clean lonely boy and pass up a chance to visit a freakin' wool festival, you're an idiot. This is some of the best advice ever given and I'm proud to offer it up. Hey, that's worth at least a million, too. Okay, so we got sheep, goats, llamas, alpacas, even angora rabbits, but no lambs. I guess you can figure out where this is going, at least if you're hungry enough. No lambs gamboling about the festival grounds, no lambs in the pens, no lambs in the booths. We saw a fresh baby alpaca ("awwwwwww..."), one baby goat, but no lambs. WHAT DID THEY DO WITH THE LAMBS?!?  Oh, hahaha. I get it. There are lambs: lamb sandwiches, lamb kabobs, lamb stew, lamb plates (w/ beans and cole slaw), but no lambburgers, and I can't imagine why, unless the little guys are just too tasty to grind up. I mean, that would take too long, you see. Aerial
observer sidelined? Well, so what. The wheels of industry must keep grinding -- er, turning. Whatever. Accordingly, I booted the lazy bird back up for one last run before uploading this column, and wouldn't you know it, the squawker came back with a migraine. I tried to get him to talk, but he just kept waving this note at me. He'd flown over New York City and caught the latest reasoning from the Bloomberg News market site: "History suggests that when U.S. stock-market losses get as big as they have been the past three months, a turnaround is near." Well, it's hard to argue with that (?)... Me and the raven are gonna curl up with a nice bowl of lamb stew, turn on CNN, and watch the indexes shoot through the roof. (Bye-bye!) Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr invites your comments and wishes everyone a great week! FARRFEED.COM -- Salon Weblog (Current year's columns just below)
"GRACK!" is © copyright 2002, John H. Farr, all rights reserved
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