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Lucy Yanks the Football
You Didn't Think I'd Do It, Didja?

January 6, 2003

Keep that drum roll going...

First some background
What I'm doing, and have been doing for what seems like about 10 or 12 years, is preparing my "unsupported" Power Mac 8600 for OS X. I have my Jaguar CD-ROM, Ryan Rempel's XPostFacto utility from Other World Computing, and my L2 cache configuration setting file. The Big Guy has 672MB of RAM, a 450MHz G3 upgrade card, one 4.5GB 7200 rpm SCSI drive, one 9GB 7200 rpm SCSI drive, a USB card, and a ATI Nexus 128 video card with 32MB of VRAM. The kitchen sink, in other words. My unloved Que! USB CD burner died a miserable death after a lengthy power outage, so I couldn't burn CDs. Hearing this, an airline pilot took pity on me and sent me an old external SCSI unit he had in a closet, about which now a few words of praise and regret:

Why oh why are things not manufactured anymore as well as the "Optima CD-Writer" he sent me? The thing was huge, about the size of two contemporary CD burners, with an actual fan-cooled power supply inside the case with the CD drive. The front and rear panels of the case were machined aluminum, the plastic cover sturdy enough to stand on, and everything about it was awesome, except that I couldn't get it to work, who knows why? (You remember SCSI chains, don't you? Well...) But the beast was impressive, every bit as loud as the Power Mac, too. Hmm. What I eventually did was try to swap the burner itself with the original Apple CD-ROM drive, an exercise that resulted in at least a dozen bungled installations while I played Guess Where the Jumpers Go. By the time I gave up, I'd lost the Zip and who knows what else on the 8600, so I put it all back together and was astounded to see everything working again.

For the moment I still can't burn CDs, but considering I'd been using the Que!, nothing has really changed. I've been waiting a whole week for a 10-pack of Zip disks from Amazon ("expedited" two-day shipping for Wile E. Coyote clones like me) so I can back up some very important stuff before installing OS X, and that's where we stand -- or stood, because a emailed bargain list from MacResQ got me all excited about an "enterprise" model 9GB 10,000 rpm SCSI hard drive, woo-hoo! With normal ground shipping it got here in less time than I've spent so far waiting for my Zips, of course.

Go for the gusto
But at least I had the new hard drive, yay! The idea was to use its 10,000 rpms to give OS X a needed boost on my bottlenecked 8600. I already knew it would go nicely on the slide-out plastic pad in the very bottom of the case, so I waited till the time was right. I never actually plan when to do these things, you understand. For one thing, I know it'll either take lots longer than I expect or else not take any time at all, in which case I'll be so happy I'll spend hours playing with my new toys. When I get on this kind of a roll, the adrenaline flows, and suddenly it's 3:20 a.m. and I'm not the least bit tired. Married guys can't usually get away with this, but my wife is out of the country for two weeks, hoo-hah. (I must be at least part-geek or I'd be out getting drunk and chasing waitresses like lonely writers are supposed to do.)

I used to think these things were like Holy Mechanisms, but now they're just toasters. There was a time when I prepared for inside-the-case Mac work by fasting for a week, purifying myself in a sweat lodge ceremony, and making sure I had a spotless, static-free work table. There was also a time when I skulked around pharmacy counters before a date so I could buy a couple you-know-whats without anyone spotting me (not that those two bygone eras ever coincided, but you get my drift). Now I just push everything on my desk over to one side in a ragged heap, throw the Power Mac on its side, and plunge in, phooey. I don't even wear a static strap for most chores, just keep slapping that power supply housing. By the time I'll well into the job, the floor is covered with bits of plastic static wrap, old newspapers, little tiny screws I'll wish I'd been more careful with, and I've lost my coffee cup.

This time was no exception, and I soon discovered that there was no way to attach the new drive to the existing SCSI ribbon cable inside the 8600. I needed an extension, of course. It was now well past eleven and I'm doing this in Taos, New Mexico, where SCSI ribbon cables don't grow on trees, even before five. I'd been waiting a long time to do this installation, my computer was in pieces, I couldn't stand to just put everything back together and wait until I had a chance to track down a bleeping ribbon cable, so what did I do? DIE, FLOPPY, DIE! Any old port in a storm, right? I pulled the bezel off, and a full ounce of evil brown dust fell out onto the desk. No matter, I thought, I'll just undo these screws and pop out the drive sled. AAGHH! About half a pound of dust, feathers, and small mammal bones ended up all over the floor, my pants, and a new fleece vest I'd forgotten to take off. No way any floppy disk would have functioned in that drive, but I vacuumed it out and set it aside for donation to the Smithsonian. There was a problem, though.

Bailing wire and chewing gum
The "enterprise" SCSI drive, wouldn't you know it, needed bigger mounting screws than any other hard drive I've ever seen, and nothing I had would fit! The only thing to do was cannibalize something else, the donated CD burner, for instance. I hadn't been able to get it to work anyway, so I tore into it, reluctantly at first. As soon as I saw that it was full of cute little screws, I felt a lot better, but none of them worked. Finally there was nothing left to disassemble but the power supply itself, and that's where I found them! As it happened, the four screws holding the power supply circuit board in place were just right, so YES! -- in went the drive into the floppy bay.

I had to pop off all the SCSI connections and slide the ribbon cable around to hook everything up. You should also know that before I started this, I actually went to the Western Digital Web site and printed out a diagram of how to set the jumpers for SCSI ID #2, but of course there were no jumpers on the bloody drive and I didn't have any of those, either. Fortunately, the Que! burner had one that fit, hahaha. The required SCSI adapter blocked off the Power Mac's power plug, so I had to crunch & mangle, ick. Amazingly, incredibly, when I finally closed the case and fired up the 8600, everything worked. I formatted the new drive and that's all there is to tell for now.

Nothing's been installed, no Jaguar yet. I'm just having too much fun double-clicking on the drive icons and watching how fast the window opens. The 8600 isn't any noisier than it was before, and the open floppy bay slot seems to make a great air inlet for cooling the high-speed drive. Of course, without that little flap on the floppy drive opening, there's nothing at all to slow the dust down.

Oops!

"Grack!"

Still Proud & Grateful Dept.: The eBook advertised below won the "Best Self-Published Book" category of MyMac.com's 5th Annual Book Bytes Awards! So go look, why doncha? And tell me what you think. -- JHF


Salon Weblog! Click early and often: Read FarrFeed or wish you had!

The illustrated BUFFALO LIGHTS eBook is now ready! It's all about giving up everything to start a new life in New Mexico instead of getting rich and comfy. (Hey, wait a minute...)


GRACK Update List PHASE-OUT!

GRACK! updates will now be included in the all-new FARR SITE NEWS newslist. To join up, just CLICK HERE and send a blank email.

GRACK! 2001 archives are HERE.
(Current year's columns just below) 

Dec. 30: "AirPorts I Have Known"
Dec. 23:
"Shazam, I'm a Publisher"
Dec. 16:
"JPEGs Out the Gazoot"
Dec. 9:
"Lighting Ledoux"
Dec. 2:
"The Amazing Self-Healing AirPort"
Nov. 25:
"When Good Computers Do Bad Things"
Nov. 18:
"Free RAM & the $50 BMW"
Nov. 11:
"Auto-Apocalypse"
Nov. 4: "
Party Like It's 1499"
Oct. 28: "
Splitting Wood & Hard Drives"
Oct. 21: "
Second Time's a Charm"
Oct. 14: "
Wombat Ramble"
Oct. 7: "
Animal Action"
Sept. 30: "
Monday Mood-Shot"
Sept. 23: "
Vacas in the Valle"
Sept. 16: "
Great Ebook Rollout"
Sept. 9: "
Hanging In & Hanging Out"
Sept. 2: "
Bubble, Trouble, Toil, & Livestock"
Aug. 26 "
Digital Video in el Norte"
Aug. 19: "
Vitamins for the Soul"
Aug. 12: "
PowerSuck G12 MP Killumded"
Aug. 5: "
Sublimity of the Mundane"
July 29: "
Sweating It Out"
July 22: "
Keynotes & Kittycats"
July 15: "
Weird Week in Store"
July 8: "
Beauty Treatment"
July 1: "
Quantum Warriors"
June 24: "
Wait, I'm Not Done Yet!"
June 17: "
Magnum Mysterium"
June 10 "
Six Weeks Before the Mast"
June 3: "
Hair, Skin, and Bare Feet"
May 27: "
I Went on a Trip to Mingus"
May 20: "
Creative Procrastination"
May 13: "
It's Ten O'clock!"
May 6: "
Sagebrush Saga"
Apr. 29 "
Universe of Lies"
Apr. 22: "
Earth Day All the Time"
Apr. 15: "
Oh, THOSE Taxes!"
Apr. 8: "
Turn Left at the Llamas"
Apr. 1: "
April Drool"
Mar. 25: "
Tuzas on the Curb"
Mar. 18: "
Holy Ghostbeak"
Mar. 11: "
Lord of the Turkeys"
Mar. 4: "
The Heart of the Matter"
Feb. 25: "
New Stuff: Browsers, Servers, etc."
Feb. 18: "
Mascot Lore & More"
Feb. 11: "
Killer Email & Wiccan PotLuck"
Feb. 4: "
Meanies, Guerillas, & Subscription Copycats"
Jan. 28: "
Full Moon Frenzy, w/ PowerMacs"
Jan. 21: "
iMacs & Webmaster Schadenfreude"
Jan. 14: "
Was It Only a Week Ago?"
Jan. 7: "
Useless Column"
Dec. 31, '01: "
I Want a Refund"

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

DESIGN CREDIT: GRACK! byline graphic by Bob Farr.

"GRACK!" is © copyright 2003, John H. Farr, all rights reserved

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