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Cross yer fingers...

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
There's something I've been trying to ignore for a long time that just won't go away, and that is: if everything is hunky-dory and God is on our side, why is everyone so depressed? And scared?? Oh, maybe you're not. Well, I'm not either, I guess, but then I have several outlets for my own frustration, plus I'm a writer: if I want, I can put it all down for posterity [kaff, kaff]. Assuming, um, you know.

But the whole world is full of dread these days. It's not just American consumers, loving the idea of favoring the rich 'cause they hope to be rich someday, that being the only way to ever pay the equity loans and credit bills. I watched a BBC World News report on KNME, the New Mexico state PBS channel, and apparently the mood at the European Union meeting in Davos, Switzerland this past week was worse than awful. Never mind the threat of war, what's giving finance ministers a fit is the sorry state of globalism. You're in the loop on this thing, right? Probably the ones who dreamed that up were figuring we could sell the Chinese all our stuff instead buying all of theirs. China, however, is the Mother of all Wal-marts.

And poor Steve Jobs must be cursing his insanely awful fate. Here we sit, waiting for Apple to (hopefully) unveil new iron, and all he can do is pray the press releases don't go out the same day Rummy drops the hanky. What a revolting development. If you ask me, that's why the iLife CDs are still on the loading dock, whether or not new iMacs or Power Macs are almost ready to go too. But of course I'm just an ignorant hipster commie doofus, to read some of the fan mail. Geez, I wish I were. Doofuses at least rate sympathy, communists can pose in wax museums, hipsters get the racy chicks, and ignorance is bliss.

Okay, everybody take a nice deep breath:

Microsoft screws the world
If you spent the weekend trying to surf the Web and download your email, my only question is, well could you? I've been having an absolute devil of a time. Any number of familiar URLs simply timed out or displayed so slowly, I though I was back on the LC II. We know whose fault this was, right? As one especially irate (and eloquent) Applelinks reader put it:

"Call this a change for the better if you want, but I call it job security for a bunch of gutless, mindless, lazy, sycophantic dolts who only know what Microsoft has taught them to parrot in their MSCE exams.

Funny. In a world that has gone mad with the desire to make things more secure, the one thing that would make everything more secure (dumping Microslop products), is never discussed. Someone shoot a note over to the Office of Homeland Security, please."

Yes, that's right: an Internet worm that feasted on MIcrosoft software. I'll spare you the gory details, but basically it's Redmond's fault. If Apple had gigantic market share, it might be Cupertino's guilt to bear, or maybe not. There are those on record as believing Microsoft's unending glitch-o-rama is actually a strategy to bring existing Internet protocols crashing down in a corroded, smoking heap -- whereupon Ballmer's butterflies will offer up a whole new way to do business, then he and Bill will own the farm, no silly Macs allowed. Is that clear enough for you? But me, I only believe in conspiracy theories that have to do with Washington, D.C. (Hey, wait a minute: you don't suppose... nah. Nah? Nah.)

Oh yeah, this:

Sure to endear me to young and old alike, the above sentiments were quite valid once upon a time, and apologies would be utterly ridiculous. Besides, just look what the opposite has wrought (hint: we're almost exactly the same age and I make fun of him a lot). Say what you will, but I can't hurt you or ruin your retirement. I may be irritating, but I'm safe as bunny milk. Heck, I'll bet that's the nicest thing you'll read all week.

I'm having fun with PDFs and trying to build a buzz on the Internet. Regardless of how many or how few people actually sit in front of their computers and read a lot like I do, this is one way to get published in a hurry. The money's just a trickle so far, but that beats absolutely nothing hands down. And look at it this way: I'm making money with my Mac. "Way to go, JohnBoy!" Make a big enough commotion and I might attract an agent or an "intervention." (Do I get broadband with the rubber room?)

So hang on tight and hope that Apple gets to intro nice new stuff without having to compete with holy hell this week or next. I'd like to think the world has plenty to look forward to, especially Mac users, and I really hope I'm wrong about the way things may be shaping (or blowing) up.

Steady as she goes, boys, steady as she goes.

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr predicts that he and fellow senior editor Kirk Hiner (who also has a book to brag about) may soon get off their butts and interview each other. Now wouldn't that be a hoot?

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