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At Least I Have a Calling [PLEASE NOTE: We have lift-off on PART ONE of the ebook. Subscriptions now being taken for all six installments, scheduled for Feb. - June. And no, of course I don't look like that now. I'm married, fergodssakes! Whaddayou, nuts?!] Stupid
base station tricks The thing is, I was supposed to send the the old one back within ten days. The instructions stuck in with the replacement unit said my credit card would be charged for the "full replacement price" if the box wasn't at Elk Grove, California by January 19 (oops). I finally remembered this last Friday and called Airborne in a froth of guilt and agony: after all, the 802.11g "AirPort Extreme" base station costs a hundred dollars less than this 1999 model. Of course, here in northern New Mexico, I'm lucky Airborne even shows up at all, and they certainly don't schedule pickups on the weekend. They're coming today, supposedly, but I wonder if the dispatcher realized it's a holiday. The restocking fee for late returns is fifty bucks, too. If Apple doesn't have pity on me for being a worthless idiot who could have had a free replacement if he only had a brain, I'll end up being charged almost double what a much better brand new base station would cost... I'm figuring they might just hit me with the restocking fee and let it go at that. After all, they can stick a new capacitor in the one I sent them and send it to someone else who might forget to return it in time -- and then charge that guy. I don't mind a bit. And you know what? She really loves me. My wife, that is. I expected something on the order of a spontaneous involuntary liver dissection, but all she said was, "LET IT GO!" Knowing me as she does, this is not only good advice but self-preservation. Of course, the next thing she said was, "This is a good lesson for you." She hates the way I put things off, you know (I mailed the taxes last year on April 15th). I wonder if I'll have the box sealed before the Airborne Express van shows up. Don't
do this either Anyway, here's the latest prototype cover for my latest ebook, YELLOWHAMMER FARM. My wife just grimaced at the image and said, "That's pretty scary." The book is the story of my life, basically, from a time when a lot of people were losing theirs. The book is a true story about coming of age and moving "back to the land," a theme still very much a part of my own little path through the world. Both of those themes, actually (some of us have to boil a long time before our yolks harden). There's stuff in here that will shock, titillate, amuse, disgust, and inspire the hell out of untold millions of readers, I fervently hope. Making money out of this is the only way I'll be able to deflect the reactions from certain quarters, hoo boy.  But seriously, folks: I'm on a real mission. There were plenty of reasons to drop out and move to the Ozarks once upon a time, just as there were for coming out here to El Norte, and just as there will be when the Armageddon rangers do their number on your safety nets. Not that I really have any of this figured out to my satisfaction yet, but if you hear a familiar song here, that's just fine. It basically comes down to how five percent of the people (that's us) think using forty percent of the goods is really cool (it's not) and what might change things for the better. I rather think the high-fallutin' truths of nature and spirit will do more to balance our scales than five people in a bed or riding BSAs on acid, but I could be wrong, and in any case it's all there. The book itself is awfully damn fine, if I do say so myself, so amazing, in fact, that I'm thinking of releasing what's already been written as the first issue of a subscription: you pay a certain price, you get the whole thing, between now and summer, say. (No, it isn't finished, obviously. I've been too busy putting off OS X, postponing doing my taxes, and forgetting to send back the base station.) If I do that, I'll also put the first segment (which is finished) on sale by itself for a mere pittance. All you perverts will like that anyway: you can read about what happened in the parks and bedrooms of Austin while Nixon and Kissinger were sending more people to the promised land than any chickenhawk has ever dreamed of, then go home before I start in about the waterfalls, moonshiners, and $30/acre kingdoms in paradise. Oh, it's going to be an interesting spring. Just check back here in a couple of days and see if Part One is on the server yet (I think it will be). Yikes,
I'm out of space I could make all this up, you realize, but why bother? Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr promises to post the 2002 archives and most recent January column links any day now. No, really.
The
illustrated BUFFALO LIGHTS eBook is
now
ready!
It's all about moving to New Mexico because we were
too comfortable and rich. Wait, that didn't come
out right. (2002 columns just below)
"GRACK!" is © copyright 2003, John H. Farr, all rights reserved
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