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No Pictures Today
It's Late & I Need a Bath

January 13, 2003

How'd it get to be January, anyway?

Macworld afterthoughts
What an interesting year it's going to be. I should be lots more thankful than I've so far indicated any inclination to be, because Steve Jobs is most definitely on my side. One of the good guys, that's what he is. In a world (or at least a country) on the edge of going certifiably mad, Apple is giving us all something to cheer about. That would of course be the unmistakable signs that Apple is nobody's lapdog, least of all Microsoft's.

More well-informed people have already written about what the introduction of Safari (Apple's new open-source browser) and Keynote (the presentation app component of a future "productivity suite") mean for the company. For me, what comes first to mind is simply, "FINALLY!" These two products are a way of saying that the emperor has no clothes, even if he can still do awful damage with his humonguous naked greedy butt. There has never been anything better about Microsoft, just the inherent threat. Crossing the biggest bully in the world is dangerous but ultimately necessary, pragmatically speaking. It's also morally imperative, a drum I've been beating for several years. (Computers, y'all. The subject is computers. Honest!) Microsoft cares about computer users like guess-who cares about the common man. This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around. As long as Bill Gates can make a few more hundred million dollars by fooling Mac users into thinking his company builds Apple products the same as Windows, he will.

Meanwhile Microsoft does everything possible to squeeze us out. This is like being made to pay to walk the plank. People will jump at anything better that comes along, but Microsoft suffocates innovation it can't buy and everyone's afraid to change. 95 percent of the world uses Internet Explorer? I doubt that very much. Even if they do, they don't all like it. What, those hundreds of downloads of a Safari beta are all from geeks and tinkerers? There's a hunger out there. There's an inherent yearning to do the right thing. And the right thing is definitely not to give Bill Gates any more money, period. Enough already. Let there be light, for heaven's sake. Let there be openness. Let there be vision and shared enthusiasm. Thank God for Apple! Yes, it's a freaking godless corporation like all the rest, but there's a real person at the top. "Difficult," perhaps, but he's trying. I really think he is.

Hard drives and sex
Now then, where was I? Oh yes, trying to cram OS X onto this Power Mac 8600. (You'd think after the above, they'd at least give me a refurbished G4 iMac, but noooo...) Well, the Jaguar project is on hold. Installus interruptus, I call it, or perhaps my "Tantric upgrade." (Tantric sex, as if I really know, involves not, um, you know, so you can, uh, you know, longer and all, and with a greater understanding and appreciation of all kinds of good stuff, I think.) Anyway, right now I have the last iteration of Mac OS 9 (9.2.2) happily running on the fastest hard drive (10,000 rpm) ever screwed down in this machine. In short, I am in OS 9 heaven, and I don't care if I ever, er, um...

This is quite simply the snappiest, most lightning-quick Macintosh experience I have ever had, and you know what's going to happen when Jaguar tries jumping through the system bus on this totally flawless five-year-old computer. Oh, I'll do it, I will, but everything will suck, speedwise. So for right now, I'm just enjoying the ride on my new hard drive. The way I feel now is like I stripped my old car down to the frame to bolt in a blown Viper V-10. I mean, it goes like SKINK, lays rubber all over my desk! But I know I have to put the body, doors, and seats back on so I can hit the information highway with the rest of the hip crowd. (Aw, gee.)

Actually, this is going to be fun. I've been drool-slobbered with curiosity ever since the beta came out, and I've been green with envy over all the cool apps developed for OS X that I couldn't use. I'm just gonna die if I don't get to make my own DVDs with that new "Ken Burns effect" photo-panning thingie, for example, and Safari impressed me so much, I had it downloaded before I finished writing up my Macworld keynote report. So this is for all you unconverted Mac users out there, and yes, I know we're in the majority: hard drives are relatively cheap. Why not get an extra one and give Jaguar a go? I now have an empty drive just sitting there waiting for the installation. If something screws up, I'll just reformat the Unix bastard to kingdom come. All the cool new stuff runs on X. If you're reading this, you must like playing with these kinds of toys. Jobs just gave us an Apple browser, fergodssakes! Run OS X, stick it to Bill Gates, and let's find something else to talk about, finally.

No more for you, you've had enough
Like: how are we all going to be able to live to a ripe old productive age if all there is to do is pull rickshaws for plutocrats? That's just one topic, here's another: I found the perfect wilderness hideaway recently and couldn't believe that only a few years ago, someone wanted to build a jetport there so rich Texans could land their puddle-jumpers closer to the elk hunting lodges they thankfully still haven't built. What kind of mind runs in those channels?! All right, how about this? After stressing and bankrupting us by leaving Yankeeland for the arid vasties and new lives as semi-enlightened educated bums, why does a Brit-drama period piece on PBS have me thinking of a damp cottage in the shade? Egad! Probably because I still haven't gotten us that passive solar straw-bale desert nest I've always wanted, you think?

Something has to be done about all this, I swear. But nothing's going to change until I write down and sell all the crazy stories in my head so I can at least buy a new Mac and a bazooka. Make that a bazooka and a bouzouki. (Have you ever heard one of those things?) Throw in three acres and a yurt to get me started and I'll pick up the proverbial vine-covered cottage and a Steinway for my special one.

Hey, I'm easy to please!

"Grack!"

Senior Applelinks editor and columnist John H. Farr sends you greetings from the Land of Green Chile Cheeseburgers and wishes to report that people are actually buying second and third copies of the ebook described below to give to friends. Not enough of them yet, but still. "Onward, my people!"


Salon Weblog! Click early and often: Read FarrFeed or wish you had!

The illustrated BUFFALO LIGHTS eBook is now ready! It's all about moving to New Mexico before the lights go out. (If you don't know what that means, then you've never seen them flicker.)


GRACK! 2001 archives are HERE.
(2002 columns just below) 

Dec. 30: "AirPorts I Have Known"
Dec. 23:
"Shazam, I'm a Publisher"
Dec. 16:
"JPEGs Out the Gazoot"
Dec. 9:
"Lighting Ledoux"
Dec. 2:
"The Amazing Self-Healing AirPort"
Nov. 25:
"When Good Computers Do Bad Things"
Nov. 18:
"Free RAM & the $50 BMW"
Nov. 11:
"Auto-Apocalypse"
Nov. 4: "
Party Like It's 1499"
Oct. 28: "
Splitting Wood & Hard Drives"
Oct. 21: "
Second Time's a Charm"
Oct. 14: "
Wombat Ramble"
Oct. 7: "
Animal Action"
Sept. 30: "
Monday Mood-Shot"
Sept. 23: "
Vacas in the Valle"
Sept. 16: "
Great Ebook Rollout"
Sept. 9: "
Hanging In & Hanging Out"
Sept. 2: "
Bubble, Trouble, Toil, & Livestock"
Aug. 26 "
Digital Video in el Norte"
Aug. 19: "
Vitamins for the Soul"
Aug. 12: "
PowerSuck G12 MP Killumded"
Aug. 5: "
Sublimity of the Mundane"
July 29: "
Sweating It Out"
July 22: "
Keynotes & Kittycats"
July 15: "
Weird Week in Store"
July 8: "
Beauty Treatment"
July 1: "
Quantum Warriors"
June 24: "
Wait, I'm Not Done Yet!"
June 17: "
Magnum Mysterium"
June 10 "
Six Weeks Before the Mast"
June 3: "
Hair, Skin, and Bare Feet"
May 27: "
I Went on a Trip to Mingus"
May 20: "
Creative Procrastination"
May 13: "
It's Ten O'clock!"
May 6: "
Sagebrush Saga"
Apr. 29 "
Universe of Lies"
Apr. 22: "
Earth Day All the Time"
Apr. 15: "
Oh, THOSE Taxes!"
Apr. 8: "
Turn Left at the Llamas"
Apr. 1: "
April Drool"
Mar. 25: "
Tuzas on the Curb"
Mar. 18: "
Holy Ghostbeak"
Mar. 11: "
Lord of the Turkeys"
Mar. 4: "
The Heart of the Matter"
Feb. 25: "
New Stuff: Browsers, Servers, etc."
Feb. 18: "
Mascot Lore & More"
Feb. 11: "
Killer Email & Wiccan PotLuck"
Feb. 4: "
Meanies, Guerillas, & Subscription Copycats"
Jan. 28: "
Full Moon Frenzy, w/ PowerMacs"
Jan. 21: "
iMacs & Webmaster Schadenfreude"
Jan. 14: "
Was It Only a Week Ago?"
Jan. 7: "
Useless Column"
Dec. 31, '01: "
I Want a Refund"

AUDIO CREDIT: embedded 44k file, European Birds -- Sounds and Sonograms.

DESIGN CREDIT: GRACK! byline graphic by Bob Farr.

"GRACK!" is © copyright 2003, John H. Farr, all rights reserved

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