BIRTHDAY NEXUS

If you're like me, watch out. And especially this week of all weeks!

For all you astrology buffs, it's a good time to stay home and count your fingers and toes. Yes, there's that much energy dammed up just now. It could bust out in unexpected ways and take a few of you with it, you never know. Nothing personal, you understand, just the way things are at the moment. This has to do with planetary alignments called squares, and if you just had a tense or semi-violent weekend, well. . .

Speaking of tension, violence, and taking people with you, did we mention August 9th was Nagasaki Day? That's right, the anniversary of the dropping of the second atomic bomb on Japan. This also happens to be my birthday. I've always been aware of the historical significance of the date, but I've also often wished my day were associated with something more fun. Like maybe the day Roy Rogers met Trigger, the day Chuck Berry wrote "Johnny B. Goode," the day I met my wife, or the day the iMac was invented. But uh, no. Nagasaki it is! And people say nothing ever happens in August.

Hah! Why do you think there aren't any national holidays in August, hmm? Because there's just too much going on, that's why.

With that in mind, it might be time to re-examine our computer hardware strategy for the coming fall. If you're like me ("STOP trying to frighten us!"), you may be prone to fits of upgrade frenzy, and you may try to do too much.

The Big Guy, my Power Macintosh 8600/200, is a rock-solid beige monolith that's done everything I've ever wanted it to do. I bought it 2 years ago because of its AV configuration and easy upgradability. I wanted a computer that could do everything I might ever want to do (don't we all?), and so far this machine has never let me down. It has 224MB of RAM, 4MB of VRAM, a second 7200 rpm 4.5GB hard drive, maxed-out cache, and its AppleCare warranty is paid for two more years. I have everything on it, except a G3 processor, and I'm leaning in that direction, but at some point all this investment in an older system gets to be just plain silly.

On the other hand, there's the Powerbook 540c. I bought it a while back, after it had already been modified by someone else. It has a 117MHz PowerPC processor upgrade, a 1GB hard drive, and 32MB of RAM. It can't take any more memory and processor upgrades aren't available any longer. There really isn't anything else I can do to speed it up or increase its utility. That hasn't stopped me from accumulating a pile of spare parts, however: I have an extra case bottom, a full set of those teeny-tiny screws, a spare clock battery, even a spare 19.2Kbps internal modem. You know you're going over the edge when you start accumulating 19.2 modems. (That is, I hope you do -- I didn't!)

Over the last year I've probably spent as much on spare parts, a new power adapter, carrying case, assorted cables, PowerBook SCSI adapter, and God knows what else as I did on the 'Book in the first place. That's what I'm talking about: madness, simply madness, a consuming frenzy spurred on by old Boy Scout mottos and made possible by the easy spell of online ordering. ("Me and my 5-year-old PowerBook can lick anyone in the room!")

It's certainly possible to be overprepared. . . I once spent a glorious summer (including my birthday) in Olympic National Park as a member of the Student Conservation Corps. A group of 16-year-olds from all over the country, we had the job of building backcountry shelters and repairing trails damaged by winter avalanches. The work required us to hike in (two days walk) and hike out. For weeks before I had trained by walking the dog around our block in Massapequa, New York with 50 to 100 pounds of old National Geographics in my backpack. I needed the additional strength, because I was taking tons of clothes, fishing gear, and every item of camping gear available at the time. By the time I actually got to the mountains, I was carrying at least as much weight as on my round-the-block jaunts. Our very experienced adult leader carried nothing! It drove me nuts.

He may have had a small rucksack, I really don't remember. What I do remember are his lederhosen (indestructible German leather shorts), flannel shirt, nylon rain suit that rolled up into a ball, two pieces of quick-dry underwear, and the little tin cup on a thong around his neck. (This last item was used to scoop drinking water from the many trailside springs and was much lighter than a filled canteen.) He was never weighted down and always comfortable. During the daily rains I had to fish my Army surplus poncho out of my pack and somehow get the thing over my head and all my gear besides! It must have been quite a sight, a dozen and a half lumbering, grumbling, poncho-draped lumps led by a quick-stepping, whistling figure wearing a stylish yellow rain suit carrying nothing more than a stick!

I'm not sure what a computing analogy to this would look like. Maybe a tangerine iBook for the road. Maybe nothing. All I know is that "too much" is in the air. August! The bomb was too much. The astrological alignments are too much. I've probably ugraded the Big Guy too much. My being another year older is too much. Our yard sale yesterday was too much.

(Yard sale??)

You see, my wife tried to sell her grand piano at the same time. Did sell it, actually, twice, as it turns out: once to a nice man who forgot to leave us a check, and again to a very insistent lady who put the money ($200 more!) into our hands after we couldn't get in touch with the first "buyer" to see if we really had a deal or not. And then it got ugly: the first buyer did indeed think he had struck a deal and was very unhappy. My dear sweet wife from Iowa who would never knowingly wrong a soul thought she was doing the right thing by undoing the second deal and reviving the first. All this at the cost of taking less money for her piano, you understand (Iowa). But the second buyer lost it completely! Sunday we received an early morning phone call from the exceedingly unpleasant lady, who is now threatening to sue! ("I'm a law student [sic!], and if this matter isn't resolved in 24 hours," blah-blah-blah.) As of this writing things are still not completely settled. And all this over a 1916 Everett grand we never thought we'd sell!

(A law "student"??)

Not to worry, though. We're locals. For all I know, the crazy lady is too, but after over 20 years in the same place, some personal connections are beginning to pay off. (Damn! We're going to miss that after we move, aren't we?) You see, when we told the first guy what was going down, his first reaction was, "where's she from?" And he took it from there. He phoned us back a while ago with the news that he had talked to his brother-in-law, Judge ____, who scoffed "she hasn't got a leg to stand on. Happens all the time. Just go over there and get the damned thing!"

I can sympathize with all concerned, especially my mortified wife. The only thing I couldn't do was insist she call a lawyer on Sunday afternoon. (Iowa girls have their principles, you know.*) I was itching to bring up the subject but somehow showed better judgement. A good thing, considering the approaching eclipse.

(Eclipse???)

Yes, the total solar eclipse God has penciled in for Wednesday, but we won't see it here in North America. This astronomical event is fraught with enough astrological baggage to exert plenty of influence anyway, at least if you give half a nod to such ostensibly nebulous things. The rare cross-shaped alignment of the Sun with Mars, Saturn, and Uranus (as seen from Earth) is being interpreted by some as a sign of the Apocalypse -- just the sort of stomach-tightening background vibes most of us don't need in the Too-Much Time. (A lighter outlook would be appreciated by the birthday boy as well!) Of course, just about every solar eclipse is considered astrologically significant: my first marriage disintegrated during the afternoon twilight of a South Texas solar eclipse, so mind your manners!

Meanwhile, the tail end of summer brings a bumper crop of bargains in Apple hardware. Have you noticed how cheap refurbed PowerBook G3s and desktop models are? It's astonishing! Older iMacs are going for $700-800, too. I've a good mind to buy three of them instead of a new high-zoot iBook. That wouldn't do a thing to enhance my productivity on the road, but wouldn't it be fun to walk into the house and see a Mac in every room? A damn fine birthday present that would be, and you know what? It wouldn't be the least bit too much!

Not for my birthday, anyway.

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to thee,
Happy Birthday dear Johnny,
Happy Birthday to he!

It's gonna be a great year!

John H. Farr also edits the Apple Computer News for Applelinks.com and invites your comments.

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* One of which is, don't let idiots ruin your day! By the time you read this she may have fired back at our tormentor. (Do not get in the way of ladies from Iowa when they know they're in the right!)

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January 08, 2009