Kirk Hiner's

"When thinking differently just isn't different enough."

Here Comes the PC Lynch Mob
or, Not In the Face! Not In the Face!

By Kirk Hiner

"YOUR STUPID, HALF-LIFE ISNT EVEN PLAYED AT CPL F***ING RETARD ITS CS, WHO WOULD PAY $100k FOR A TOURNEY ON HALF-LIFE? NO ONE YOU DIP S**T AND THE ONLY REASON CS IS TRYING TO BE CONSIDERED A SPORT BECAUSE ITS TEAM BASED 5v5 YO UF***ING RETARD DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE POSTING A STUPID ARTICLE DUMBF***"

"Well Kirk, on behalf of the gaming community, i would like to extend a big F*** YOU. Yeah, i guess the 'getting laid' factor doesn't pertain to cybersports, but i dont think a pencild*** like yourself is playing ball in that arena either. But go ahead and continue to play with your obsolete Mac and write for a s***ty Mac site."

"Ok, allow me to say this straight up, ur a f***ing deusche bag u fag. So us kids play video games? #1 no1 is really 12, the majority is 16-24 year olds. #2 - CPL is a great way for people to take video games pro. #3 - Your just a f***ing immature mother f***er who works for "oo look at my Apple fag a** computers". Good you got 0wned by Bill Gates like 20 years ago u sack of s***. O and btw, if I ever see u, hah, good luck buddy, ur gonna need it =p."

"This line here

'I haven't met any of the contestants, but I can only guess these aren't the same guys and girls winning high school letters or Heisman Trophies.'

Offended me and many others. Please try to educate your self before posting narrow minded uninformed articles, you really are a pathetic human being. Please die,"

Well, how about that, then? Guess it's time for me to head for the hills.

I always knew that it would happen, that one day the mob would come bearing torches and pitchforks to my castle at the top of the hill. There'd be screams and fire and cries of vengeance as angry townsfolk chucked rocks at my head and children poked me with sticks until I was driven humiliated from my village, never to return. I always knew it would happen, but I was pretty sure the time would come after I tossed some blind girl into a pond or survived a gut wound at the hands of the mighty Kurgan. But nope. It came after I wrote an article that apparently upset PC gamers.

I won't bother restating the point of the article, nor will I defend what I wrote. You can see the article here, and you can read my defense from other Applelinks users here. Thanks to all of you, by the way. Not only for defending me, but also for getting the point of the article.

I received many, many e-mails such as those quoted above. Even now a few trickle in as someone else stumbles across the article that was linked from a couple PC centric sites, including Domain of Games. I mention this because I responded to every single flame that was sent to me, even those that were so incoherent and immature that I found them harder to follow than Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury. Know what? I enjoyed them more than The Sound and the Fury. Never liked that Faulkner. Never will...although I still one day may write a thesis about how As I Lay Dying was the direct inspiration for National Lampoon's Vacation.

Funny thing about flame mail is that when you call the author to task, he will rarely reply. Flamers flame, I guess, because it's safe. They don't fear retaliation. In fact, three of those who did respond to my replies admitted that they didn't think I would write them back. They didn't even think I would read them. But hey, what sort of fake journalist would I be if I didn't respond to criticism? Surely, if someone writes to threaten hitting me in the face with a sledgehammer, that person deserves the courtesy of a response.

This is what I don't get, though. How is it that anything I write in my tiny little column could provoke such a response? I'm just a man, after all. I'm a man on his way to the Pulitzer, granted, and I'm a man who's not above shameless self promotion, but certainly I'm not a man who needs his face smashed with his sledgehammer.

Of course, I can't really understand their point of view. See, despite being a Christian, I can't get offended. I'm not trying to sound cocky, I just can't recall the last time something offended me. Not Maplethorpe, not Manson...not even Moore. People can photograph what they want, sing what they want, write what they want...whatever. It's all just paper, songs and words. It's nothing I need to take seriously.

Still, many people do. For some reason, they feel threatened by the opinions of others. They think that, just because someone states a belief that differs from theirs, that person is also calling them morons, I guess. I'm not calling anyone a moron when I state an opinion. In fact, I'll readily admit that many of my opinions are wrong. I hate baseball, for instance. Baseball and golf. both bore me to the point that I could derive more entertainment from staring at the wall for three hours. Know what? I'm wrong. Judging from the popularity of these two hobbies, from the amount of revenue they generate, I must be wrong in my beliefs. I'm sticking to them, though. I greatly enjoy believing that which I do.

It's especially puzzling to me because I have so many opportunities to be offended by others. As my regular readers know, I own many Godzilla movies. I'm a fan of the Seattle Seahawks. I'm a Mac user. That latter opens me up to plenty of criticism and cheap shots based on faulty premises. Do I get offended when people still tell me the only reason Apple is in business is because Bill Gates bought them (twenty years ago, according the quote above)? No. Do I get offended when people tell me I use a Mac because I'm not smart enough to use a PC? No. I don't get offended because it isn't true. How can I be offended by the misconceptions of others? By their ignorance? I can't. To quote David Mamet, "They're only words unless they're true."

To be fair, when I explained this to those who flamed me, most ended up agreeing. They agreed that they missed the point of the article (they'd been misdirected by the comments of the gentleman who linked to the article), and that they really shouldn't have become so upset. I don't blame them, though. We're in a society now in which many people eagerly anticipate the discovery of a lost Commandment that states, "Thou shalt not ever offend thy neighbor," or maybe a new Constitutional Amendment stating, "You have the right to never be offended, to never have your opinions or beliefs questioned, and to feel 100% comfortable in everything you experience throughout your entire life."

Know what? They aren't in there, folks. There's nothing written anywhere that says we're protected from offense, that says we're protected from those who want to challenge our beliefs, or that we're above satire. If I want to say that each and every member of the Cyberathlete Professional League is 12-years-old, don't let it bother you, because I'm wrong. If you want to say that every Macintosh user is a flaming idiot, I won't let it bother me. You're wrong.

Them's just words, people. Them's just jokes. Them's just opinions. Feel free to disagree. Feel free to make corrections. Feel free to climb onto your soapbox and prove people wrong. Just don't get offended.

Oh, and please don't drive me out of town. I just paid a large amount of money to have my roof repaired, and I'd hate to think I won't get to take advantage of that.

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