Kirk Hiner's

"When thinking differently just isn't different enough."

Macintosh: Giant Computer Midair Showdown

By Kirk Hiner

"Just because a movie's about a giant flying turtle, that doesn't mean it's bad."

If you'd stopped me at any point in my life and asked, "Young Hiner, if there's one phrase you're positive you'll never say, what would it be?" the above quote would've come in right underneath, "Hey Elvis, the kitchen's on fire." Yet more than once over the past few years, I've found myself making that exact argument.

By giant flying turtle, I'm of course speaking of Gamera, which has perhaps already sealed my fate. In the 1960s, the Gamera series gave us some of the worst movies ever made in any genre. But in 1995, Gamera Daikaijû Kuchu Kessen (or Gamera: The Guardian of the Universe in its American incarnation, because the direct translation of Gamera: Giant Monster Midair Showdown just wouldn't go over here) was released, and I was suddenly proud to be a monster movie fan. I won't go into detail on the movie, Applelinks isn't paying me to be a film critic. Besides, many simply won't give it a chance because the movie contains "a guy in the rubber suit." If this is the case, it's a shame. That's like saying you couldn't enjoy Dumbo because the big-eared elephant looks like a cartoon.

I've never understood this mentality, and I'm having trouble pegging its origins. Is it maturity that robs us of our ability to look beyond the immediate; to find value where we don't normally look? Does life build up too many preconceived notions? Maybe we're all just afraid of the ridicule we know we'll get. It certainly can't be good for your career to bring up Gamera around the water cooler, whereas a completely contrived movie with an insipid story that makes even less sense than giant flying rocket turtles--a movie such as Legally Blonde, for example--is acceptable?

Before I get to my point, let me look at another example; Puffy. No, not P. Diddy, but simply Puffy (Puffy Amiyumi, stateside), a female pop duo from Japan who, as far as I know, don't carry weapons into nightclubs. Puffy are Yumi Yoshimura and Ami Onuki. Under the auspice of Japanese artist and songwriter Tamio Okuda, these two have become a pop culture phenomenon in Japan, and rightly so. Pop music fans need only listen to the pure, pop perfection of Puffy's Fever∗Fever CD to become infected with their music...unless you've been taught not too. After all, they're Japanese, and if western civilization has taught us anything (which I don't think it has), it's that Japanese rock works about as well tuna flavored Jell-O.

I won't get into the reasons for that; I don't care to open that can of worms...unless those worms are bands like Shonen Knife, Love Psychedelico, Mummy the Peepshow, the Plastics, the Boredoms, etc., in which case that can kicks a∗∗! Maybe the western world hasn't yet forgiven Japan for Pink Lady, although I lay the blame entirely on Jeff. Either way, convincing friends, family, and even a few enemies that Puffy are a great band proved as difficult as...well...convincing them the Macintosh is a good computer.

I used to be one of those "PCs suck!" guys, always rushing to the defense of Apple computer and slamming the PC at every opportunity. Know what? This won me no converts. If anything, it made me look like dork; the last person to whom anyone would come when seeking computer buying advice. See, it's gotten to the point where it's not about proving the Mac is better than the PC, it's about proving the Mac is a good computer at all.

"Just because a movie's about a giant flying turtle, that doesn't mean it's bad."

"Just because a band sings in Japanese, that doesn't mean it's bad."

"Just because a computer doesn't run Windows, that doesn't mean it's bad."

So, how do you convey the viability of the Macintosh platform? First, don't tell people it's better than Windows. You'll find that's very tough to prove, especially to those who have been using Windows from the start. People don't like think a product they've been using for umpteen years is not the best choice. The Mac OS isn't necessarily better, anyway. It's different, in (mostly) wonderful ways, and that's much easier to prove.

I've found my enthusiasm for the platform has convinced more people to buy Macs than any speech about stability, user interface, or megahertz mythology. Rather than get defensive when people compare the two, I just go into all the things that Macs let me do. If they can also be done on Windows, so much the better. The Windows world has done quite well for itself bragging of functions that can be equaled or bettered on the Mac, and people need to see the reverse.

I discovered the wonder of Macintosh computing in 1988 when I first sat down to Word on a MacSE. After using DOS based word processing programs such as WordStar and PFS Write, I was amazed that Word allowed me to switch typefaces and see the page on screen the same as it would print. That and a few Mac loving friends was all it took for me. The trick in getting others into the Mac is just providing them with that one program.

Apple is doing a great job with this, actually. In all my years of computing, I've never created anything so well received as the movie of my newborn nephew, edited with iMovie. People were amazed, wanting to know how I was able to create such a high quality video and sync it to music. "I did it all on my Macintosh," I tell them. "Very easy, it only took a few hours."

"Could I do that on my PC?"

"Well, iMovie, the program I used, is Mac only. There are movie editors available on the PC, but they're not as easy to use. They're also more expensive (iMovie is free), and you'll probably have to buy a video or FireWire card to get the video into your computer in the first place. All of this comes standard on most Macs, which is why they're a little more expensive. Here, let me show you..." The same can be done with iTools and even iTunes. People want to show off, but they don't always want to invest a lot of time and effort to create a product worthy of showing off. Apple understands that, and they're providing the means to that end.

If you want to have a little more fun, you could employ the guilt trip tactic used in the tire commercials and such. You know, the ones where mom or dad is driving baby somewhere across town, and he/she has to slam on the brakes or swerve to avoid certain disaster. The announcer then implies that only Brand X tires allow drivers to stop quickly or swerve, and what kind of sick freak are you who doesn't love your children and will buy another brand of tire so the kids will certainly die horribly and slowly, screaming in insufferable agony. The same tactic can be applied here. "Sure PCs are great for wasting the day away on computer games or for bringing spreadsheets home from work so you can get that project done while your children are at their little league game or learning to walk or just growing up so quickly. The Mac...well, if you want to film the little league game and help your kids edit it and set it to music and put in on DVD and send it to the grandparents, it's a pretty good computer."

Of course, none of this matters as much support. People can brag about Dell's customer service well into dinner, but they don't hold a candle to my friend John. My mom will say the same of me. Whenever something is going wrong with their Macs, the fix is usually just a long distance call to Stow. It's the Lifetime Hiner Guarantee, and it's not like Apple tech support is any better than I am. I don't charge $50 even I don't fix the problem. In fact, I don't charge $50 if I do. And the thing is, I've never had any formal tech support training. I've simply read a couple books, visited some online forums, and paid attention when others fixed my machines. So now, rather that become frustrated with the Macintosh while they're on the phone with tech support or being insulted by manuals ("Computer won't start up? Make sure it's plugged in."), those I've set up with Macs know they can always call for help. And aside from (usually) getting their Mac running again in a couple of minutes, they also get to talk to me! Bonus!

There are dozens of other ways to convince computer buyers they should consider the Mac, but I'll end with this contrary thought; the Mac is not for everyone. Many people, rightly or wrongly, need a Wintel machine. Some will never be willing to accept the differences between the two, and some will never come to terms with the inability to open all those dorky executable files of dancing hamsters and junk their PC owning friends send them. This happened with my sister and her husband. After a year-and-a-half of struggling to get used to what they could and couldn't do in the Mac OS, they gave up and purchased a Wintel machine at Best Buy.

Even if they don't need Wintel machines, people can't be forced into the Mac world. I'll go back to Japanese music for the moment. After getting Shonen Knife's "Brand New Knife" CD, I could never get my wife to listen to them. Although they sing in English, Tieraney had trouble understanding them and didn't see the point in trying. "No, you'll love this," I'd say, and make her listen to the CD when she obviously wanted to listen to something else. Didn't work, and I gave up. But then I picked her up one day and already had Shonen Knife playing on the car stereo. We were talking about other things when she asked, "Is this that Japanese band?"

"Yeah, I had it playing. We can turn it off."

"That's okay. I kind of like this song."

Now, when we gather CDs for long trips, Tieraney never complains when I select Shonen Knife or Puffy, and she'll even suggest Love Psychedelico herself. The same goes for the Macintosh. If you talk people into getting Macs when it's not what they want, you'll be fighting a constant battle to prove to them their purchase was worth it, and you'll rarely win. The best you can do is show them what you've done, take them to an Apple store, and let them make their decision.

Now, if they don't want to watch Gamera Daikaijû Kuchu Kessen, tie them to the friggin' sofa and tape their eyelids open. If they don't thank you for it, they're just wrong.

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