Kirk Hiner's

"When thinking differently just isn't different enough."

MacBuyer Walk Through

By Kirk Hiner

Life has no cheat codes. I know, it's sad. How cool it would be if stepping three times to the left, twice forward, turning around and jumping once would make your manager at work explode. Or how about if honking the horn while spelling out M-O-R-O-N would arm your car with a rocket launcher so that you could take care of the idiot who just cut in front of you without even using his turn signal.

But no. You're on your own. Heck, we don't even have walkthroughs. Couldn't we all handle the convenience of logging onto the internet to see how others successfully made it through Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws without losing too much health? Or what about Christmas shopping? For Macintosh software, even! Talk about your expert difficulty levels!

Well, I'm happy to report that I have finished that game. On my own, I made it completely through Mac Buyer III in record time. So in the tradition of the Mac gaming websites, I offer you this walkthrough. If anyone encounters any bugs or finds some secrets that I missed, feel free to let me know.

Level One: Sears

You start this rather simple level outside the store next to Spencer Gifts. Go in and get the whoopee cushion. Use the two dollar bill you have at the beginning of the game to pay for it, as this will confuse the cashier. While she's talking to her manager, take the paper clip off the desk. The cashier will eventually accept the two dollar bill and you can leave with the whoopee cushion and enter Sears. Ignore the ladies clothing, but enter the shoe department. Hidden in the third box on the left is secret #1 - a Circuit City charge card. After taking the card, head down the escalator into the appliance department. Sales reps will be walking around, but they won't attack you unless you attack first. Straight ahead is the computer section, where a blueberry iMac can be seen. Notice that it's locked up? You know what to do. Uh oh...that sales rep doesn't want you fixing the faulty equipment for fear that someone may become interested in the product and ask him a question. When the sales rep is called briefly to the TV department, inflate the whoopee cushion. Just before he returns, set off the whoopee cushion against the Compaq monitor nearby. The sales rep will now stay away from you long enough to reset the iMac and clean up the desktop. Another customer will then stop by to look, and will reveal that the manager at Radio Shack was badmouthing Apple. End of level one.

Level Two: Radio Shack

Upon entering Radio Shack, you are immediately attacked by three sales reps. Since you have no weapon, you'll have to hurry and find one. Quickly make your way to the remote control toy section and find the boy playing with bulldozer. He's not so quick to give it up, is he? I wonder if you could trade him anything. The whoopee cushion! After he gives the remote control, immediately drive it into the heel of one of the sales reps. He'll limp to the back of the store to get the manager, who will come to kick you out. Hand the remote back to the boy, who will then be thrown out instead of you. Before the manager retreats to the stock room, indicate interest in one of the PCs. After he makes his pitch, ask him if it runs Mac OS 9. He'll badmouth the Mac, so then ask him about Sherlock 2, the G4, AirPort, the Apple Cinema Display, and FireWire. As he's stammering for a response, pick up the remote that the boy dropped when kicked out of the store. Drive the bulldozer across the mall to Jelly Belly and ram it into secrect #2 - a rack of jellybeans. The bulldozer will catch some, so drive it back for a special treat! By this time, the manager of Radio Shack will be crying. He'll confess he took the job only because he got fired from Circuit City, and that all he knows about computers was taught to him there. End of level two.

Level Three: Circuit City

If possible, I suggest avoiding this level. Get a saved game from someone else, as a trip to Circuit City is never worth the hassle. However, if you must complete this level on your own, make sure you have the Circuit City charge card available on Level One. Enter the store with the card in hand, and go back to the computer section where you'll encounter two sales reps teaming up on an unsuspecting shopper. Get their attention by ogling the iMac rip-off of the day. Let them give their whole shpiel, and act interested. Even agree to the extended warantee. See their eyes light up? This is supposed to happen. Show them the credit card so that they know you're serious, and ask them about scanners, printers, external drives...the works. Piece together a system that totals over $5,000. As they're about to ring up the order, tell them that you really think you'd like to have the computer in tangerine. When they explain that PC knockoff only comes in blue, remind them that iMacs come in five flavors. As with the DIVX guy, watch their faces again. Funny. They'll attempt to explain that this computer is better than the iMac, at which point you ask if they're the same guys who a couple months before tried to convince you that DIVX DVD players were the way to go. Laugh heartily as you exit. End of level three. There are no secrets on this level, nor are there any power-ups. Nothing useful can be obatined from Circuit City.

Level Four: CompUSA

This level is trickier than the others, and requires constant concentration. The hardest part is finding the Apple Store-Within-A-Store, which will be randomly hidden throughout the store. Many power-ups and secrets can be found along the way, but they're very difficult to locate, having been hidden amongst rows and rows of PC software. Many hybrids will be located here, but despite their Mac compatibility, will not be placed in the Macintosh section. Bonus points can be obtained for moving the hybrids to the Apple Store.

It should be noted that, due to various bugs in the program, the CompUSA level doesn't function as it should. Sometimes the level plays out fine, while other times it's as useless as the Microsoft Office Assistant. The only way to find out is to play the level. Just remember...save early, save often.

Throughout this level, you will be approached by many sales reps. A few will be helpful, but most are only there to slow you down and to make you feel foolish for liking the Mac. However, even the "dark side" reps can prove helpful. If you see large groups of them, you know that you are nowhere near the Apple Store. When they start thinning out, you'll know you're close. Should you actually find the Store-Within-A-Store, you can take one of two paths. If you purchase some software or hardware, the game will end without fanfare. Or you can choose to help out the other gamers there as they've been wandering the Mac aisles for hours in search of assistance. Eventually, one of them will mention MicroCenter. You'll be immediately transported to...

Level Five: MicroCenter

At this point, the game is actually over. The MicroCenter Level is simply a bonus to reward you for all your hard work. The Apple section's easily found, and the sales reps inside are knowledgable and helpful. So relax, pick up some games and utilities...perhaps even an iBook. You've earned it. As the phrase goes...

Game Over.

Until next year, anyway.

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Sunday, 12-Oct-2008 09:54:50 EDT