Kirk Hiner's

"When thinking differently just isn't different enough."

Get Over It Already

By Kirk Hiner

I'm a fan of the rock group Yes. You all know them, right? Many of you remember them as the progressive rock band with the nineteen minute epics from the 70s. Some of you think of them as the chart-topping performers of "Owner of A Lonely Heart," and a select few of you know them as the band that put that song in Sierra's Homeworld, yet another never-coming-to-the-Mac title from the worst computer game publisher in the history of the business. But exposing the stupidity that is Sierra is not my intention. That would be like exposing the blue of the sky. What I would like to do is expose the anger and misguided superiorty of the Macintosh user. But first, back to Yes.

I became a fan of the band in 1983 after the release of 90125. It wasn't even their biggest hit ever, "Owner of A Lonely Heart," that converted me, but the predominately acappella "Leave It." I'll argue to my dying day that 1983 ties 1958 for the best year in the history of music, and "Leave It" is part of the reason for that. But boy, if you mention, "Leave It," 90125 or even the 1980s to any die-hard Yes fan, you'll get your tongue handed back to you in three or four pieces. I mean, I always thought Van Halen fans were freaks about the whole Hagar/Roth debate (Cherone doesn't even factor in, I guess), much as Star Trek fans were (and really still are) about Kirk/Piccard. But no, the wars waged in these cases don't come close to the utter disdain aimed at former Yes guitarist and songwriter extraordinaire, Trevor Rabin.

But now I've seen that anger once again. That completely unjustified, over-the-top reaction by people who are obviously so deep into their ruts that they could hang up posters (with a nod to the Kids in the Hall for the joke). I'm talking about Macintosh users, and I'm talking about Aqua.

It's no secret that we Macintosh users have always been a passionate lot. I credit this passion as being one of the factors that kept Apple alive in the mid-90s, so I'm not knocking that at all. I too get extremely worked up when I read all the misinformed articles and reviews that knock my beloved Apple Computer and its OS. And like every other Mac user, my forehead often burns red from the smacking it receives when I read of Apple's latest PR blunder.

But whoa, the reaction to Aqua! The first reviews were actually fairly positive, but these mostly poured in from Macworld Expo San Francisco, an event from which reporters would be inclined to put positive spins on train wrecks. But soon after, all those who weren't at Macworld starting making their opinions known, and that's where things started to get hairy. The OS that had once been deemed "lickable" was now causing riots in the streets. Some columnists and users even made poor Aqua out to be the straw that broke the camel's back, resulting in a switch to Windows NT. I don't quite follow this logic--if the camel's back is broken, dumping another few hundred pounds of dead weight on it isn't going to help--but I'll let that go for now.

I guess the concern here is that Apple is, in their quest to attract a larger consumer audience, passing the professional user faster than a New York City cab driver passes an African American who would just simply like to get to John's Brick Oven Pizza. Well I'm a professional user myself, and have been for quite some time. So to all my fellow professional users who are afraid of the shiny, bumpy interface of Mac OS X, I offer this friendly piece of advice...

Get over it already.

I mean, it's your right to not like it. That's all well and good. But good Lord, to claim that you're going to leave the Mac platform because of it; to state that Apple has forsaken your ability to adjust kerning or apply that gradiant mesh just because the OK button is now a shiny blue pill? You're just being silly. You're being that guy who leaves the backyard football game when not every play is a post-pattern to you. You're being a member of the Dallas Cowboys.

!--begin sarcasm--

If Apple is neglecting the professional user, then they're doing so with protected memory. Damn them! I don't know about you, but I'll be furious if Photoshop freezes and I can still access Quark. What kind of little schoolgirl freeze doesn't bring down the whole system? I like big crashes. Manly crashes. That's why I still use System 7.5.

If Apple is neglecting the professional user, then they're doing so with Quartz, the new graphics engine based on Adobe's Portable Document Format (PDF). Damn them! Who needs compositing features such as transparency effects? My somewhat slow, featureless graphics engine suits me just fine, so let me and my PostScript errors be.

If Apple is neglecting the professional user, then they're doing so with backward compatibility. Damn them! Whenever I get a new OS, I want to get new software with it. After all, it's not coming out of my pocket. I'm a professional user! It's coming out of the corporate pocket. That's why I have so many paper clips and pens at home.

If Apple is neglecting the professional user, then they're doing so with better font organization, a more powerful interface, and the potential to run UNIX programs thanks to Darwin. Damn them! I have nothing clever to say here, so just damn them!

!--end sarcasm--

The thing is, you see, that we professional users have always known about the strengths of the Mac OS. We know what it can do, and that's why we use it. The interface could look like a Georgia O'Keefe painting and I'd still use the thing. Apple has sold us on the power and capabilities of the Macintosh, but what about all the consumers? Sure, the iMacs may look good sitting on the shelf, but when the customers take a closer look, the OS looks extremely close to same it did five years ago. If you're going to improve the flavor of the chip, you gotta change the bag.

My guess is that Mac OS X will draw the same reaction as the iMac did...albeit on a smaller scale. It's cute, and the public digs the cute. I mean, look at all these Micky Mouse Club rejects that are topping the charts. Talented? No. Cute? I suppose. Cute sells, and that's what'll put Macs in living rooms across the world, not how quickly they can complete lens flares in Photoshop.

My mother likes Aqua. And as she's finally close to convincing dad that maybe it's time to upgrade from the LCII, having an attractive screen to look at is just one more reason for her to stick with the Mac when all her friends at work are pushing her towards the PC. But not all of you are my mother (which is really too bad, because just think of all the birthday gifts and home cooked meals I'd get), and not everyone is going to enjoy Aqua. If this is the case with you, hang on in there. You know it'll just be an amount of time before a Kaleidoscope color scheme will take you back to Mac OS 9. Heck, you can already go back to System 6 if you're so inclined.

Me? I only decry the name Aqua. I mean, if you're going to name an OS after a crappy one-hit wonder band of the 90s, why not go with Right Said Fred or Merril Bainbridge instead of those guys who sang "Barbie Girl." I mean, even Aquaman was kind of the one hit wonder of the Superfriends. Poor neglected Aquaman. Perhaps he and Trevor Rabin should tour together; the "Owner of A Ridiculous Superpower" Tour. You can bet your butt I'll be camping out for tickets.

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Tuesday, 09-Feb-2010 13:12:37 EST