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Decapitating Robot Prostitutes
By Kirk Hiner
May 8, 2002

Here we go again. Bills, bills, bills, bills, bills. Legislation, legislation, legislation, legislation, legislation. I turn my back on the gaming industry just long enough to buy a house, and suddenly, we've got yet another congressman blaming video games for the decline and fall of western civilization. This time, it's Congressman Joe Baca, a guy who says he's "Fighting for California's 42nd District." I sure hope this is true. I hope he kicks California's 39th District's ass. It's had it coming for a long while now.

Congressman Baca has said, "I'm a parent and grandparent, and I've had enough of the violence we're experiencing among our youth. We saw it at Columbine High School, and we saw it last week in Germany."

Congressman Baca rocks! What other congressman can introduce legislation in the United States that'll impact the youth in Germany?! Sweet! This guy's got power. He's so powerful, he's not even concerned about all the violence being caused by adults. Nope, he hasn't yet had enough of the violence we're experienceing among our adults. Let them run rampant across America (and Germany), he knows it's best to concentrate on these isolated teen incidents.

"Sex and violence sells video games, but it can't just be about the money," Baca continued. "Parents have to take responsibility for their children and monitor where they are learning their behavior from, but stores have a community responsibility to help keep kids from harmful material as well.quot;

I like how Congressman Baca uses "sex and violence" in the singular tense here. It's not "sex and violence sell video games," but "sex and violence sells video games." He sees sex and violence as one entity, which raises some questions about his mindset that I don't care to ask. If a game were pure violence or pure sex, I guess Congressman Baca wouldn't mind so much.

"When kids play video games, they assume the identity of the characters in the game, and some of these characters are murderers, thieves, rapists, drug addicts, and prostitutes," Baca said. "Do you really want your kids assuming the role of a mass murderer or car jacker while you are away at work?"

Oh, so this is happening while the parents are at work. I see now. Even the best of parents are helpless to stop this. They're at work. There's nothing they can do about it because they're at work. It's while they're at work that their kids are becoming murderers, thieves, rapists, drug addicts and prostitutes. Hence, the need for legislation and bills and laws. It's because the parents are away. At work. Away from their kids. Working. They need government help while they're at work. Well, work comfortably, mom and dad. Uncle Sam's your nanny now!

And here are the rules Uncle Nanny Sam is going to lay down. First, no running in the house. Second, no T.V. until the schoolwork is done. Third, if you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? And fourth, H.R. 4645, The Protect Children from Video Game Sex and Violence Act of 2002, will create penalties for those who sell at retail or rent to a minor any video game that depicts any of the following:

• Decapitation, amputation, dismemberment, or mutilation
• The killing of human beings by the use of an object as a lethal weapon or hand to hand fighting
• The car jacking of a vehicle
• Rape or other sexual assault and prostitution
• Aggravated assault or battery
• Other violent felonies

A couple items really strike me as odd in there. First, the isolation of "human being" in item two. We're not allowed to kill human beings, but it's okay to kill animals and aliens and robots. What do politicians have against animals and aliens and robots? If we're worried about fostering aggressive and violent tendencies, what makes the difference how these actions are promoted? Apparently, I can play Wolfenstein 3D and shoot those confounded dogs all day long and leave the game ready to paint some flowers and volunteer at the nursing home. But boy, put me up against a real live human Nazi and suddenly I'm public enemy number one.

I'm also unclear about this whole sex thing. Rape and sexual assault I understand. They're crimes. Awful, unforgivable crimes. Prostitution is a crime to, albeit one that's undoubtedly committed by many of Congressman Baca's colleagues. But how about just plain old sex? How about just the nasty nasty? If it's not violent, both parties consent and no money is exchanged, would Congressman Baca let his children and grandchildren play that?

"The courts have finally decided what every parent already knows - that video games containing ultra violent depictions of murder, rape, and assault have no place in the hands of our children," Baca said.

I think what Congressman Baca is failing to qualify here is the degree of realism in these "ultra violent depictions." Pitfall on the Atari 2600 had a guy getting eaten alive by alligators. That's pretty violent. Outlaw had cowboys shooting each other repeatedly with guns. That's a felony, isn't it? So, it's not so much that games these days are ultra violent, but that the violence just looks more realistic. Maybe Congressman Baca should instead introduce legislation that game developers have stay at our below 8 bit graphics.

Now, having said all that, I really hope this legislation passes. Honestly. I hope that whatever Congressman Baca suggests gets accepted to the word. I have three reasons for this:

First, because it won't work. Believe what you may, most laws in the United States aren't effective. The sale of alcohol and cigarettes to minors is illegal, but it's not hard to find teens drinking and smoking. In public places, even. Illegal drugs aren't hard to come by either, and we all often speed past highway patrolmen with nary a ticket issued. Nope, the United States is pretty much nothing more than the parent who makes idle threats about grounding his child, then lets him out the next night anyway. So, go ahead and make your laws, Congressman, the kids will still play the games.

Second, when the laws are passed and teen crimes are still being committed, I'm curious to see where the politicians turn next. Remember when it was rock and roll that was destroying the country? Censor that Mr. Presley! Burn those Beatles records! Save our kids! It was once books as well. We're all for encouraging kids to read, but only if they're books that all nice and sanitized and don't challenge them to think. My favorite, though, was in the 80s when music videos were first just catching on. I remember hearing one argument that the erotic images in music videos were going to destroy the sex lives of boys because they were causing them to get aroused too often and would therefore diminish their sex drive later in life. Seems males only get a certain number of erections in life, so use them wisely, my friends. Use them wisely.

And third, Congressman Baca's right, at least about the level of violence. Although I haven't yet reached for my picket sign, I find myself bewildered by elements in some games these days. Take that Grand Theft Auto III game that's so popular with the kids. I've had three people ranging in age from 7 to 32 tell me how much they love that game. When I asked why, all three immediately pointed out how you can solicit a hooker then beat her up afterwards to get your money back.

That's entertainment? That's what makes this game great? Take this element out, and would the game still be fun? If not, there's no need for this game. If so, there's no need for this element.

As I see it, computer games have fallen into the same rut as Hollywood. Because visual effects have gotten so good, developers are letting that drive the games. They're letting the technology instead of the creativity and the fun be the main focus. Gone are the days when all games looked pretty much the same, so developers had to make them play differently. They had to come up with unique ideas to differentiate themselves, not more graphic detail. And rather than get new titles, we now get sequels. Do we really need a Doom III? Will it be any better than Doom II save for the fact that the violence will look that much more realistic? Well, regardless, Congressman Baca will allow Doom III's sale since the violence will be geared towards undead monster types instead of humans.

So no, if a game is deemed adult oriented by the powers that be, then kids should at least have to work very hard to get it, just as they would to get into an R-rated movie. Seems fair to me. If game sales are hurt as a result, great! The developers will have to start relying on something other than violence and sex to sell their games, and that can only be good for the industry. We'll get something other than new variations on killing people, for a change. Of course, we could also just end up with an even higher ratio of racing games, and that would be my own personal hell.

So go ahead, Washington. Pass your little laws. They're not an assault on our supposed freedoms, as some have claimed. The games can still be made and sold, only now, mom and dad (or uncle or big brother or super cool neighbor) will have to do the purchasing. No harm can really come of this. In fact, once the politicians find that banning the sale of violent computer games to kids doesn't cut down on the rising number of youth crimes, maybe they'll work a little harder to find where the real problem is instead of simply pointing the finger at some scapegoat, and maybe their scapegoat will work a little harder at making more interesting games.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some robot prostitutes to decapitate. Mom and dad are at work, you see, and it's the only chance I get to play.

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